I guess pretty much all my readers must know that I've been on a weight loss journey for the past two years. I started in October 2006 weighing 294lb (that's 21 stone). Yes, I was fat, more than that, I was obese. I hated how I was, and I hated who I was. Over the course of the last two years I've lost 90lb and I'm still not done yet. I've come so far, but I know there's further to go.
Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how I'd changed. What's different about the me when I was fat and the me now.
I remember being at school, as a teenager, when all my friends had the 'x fancies y' type conversations. I hardly ever joined in with those because, even if I did have crushes, I didn't feel like I deserved to fancy anyone else. I thought that because I was fat, I didn't have the right to find anyone else attractive, since I certainly wasn't attractive. I guess I didn't really lose out much, not being a part of those sorts of conversations, but at the time it only served to make me feel even more different, and even more unworthy.
Now that I've lost weight it somehow feels that I have the self confidence to believe in myself. I recognise that I am a normal human being, someone who will have crushes, someone who hopefully will find that special someone and fall in love. My ex, the first boyfriend I've ever had, taught me that actually someone else could find me attractive. He also taught me that it's not just about the outside appearances, it's what's inside and the type of person you are that matters too. I guess it's a sort of balance between the inside and the outside. I'm not trying to suggest that a more outwardly attractive person can be be a nasty person on the inside and people will still want to be with them (although I'm sure in some relationships that is the case)
I think the more self confidence I have, the better I feel about myself inside, the more likely I am to behave and act and hold myself in a way that makes me more attractive on the outside. I'm not really sure if I'm making sense. What do you think?