Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view

I guess pretty much all my readers must know that I've been on a weight loss journey for the past two years. I started in October 2006 weighing 294lb (that's 21 stone). Yes, I was fat, more than that, I was obese. I hated how I was, and I hated who I was. Over the course of the last two years I've lost 90lb and I'm still not done yet. I've come so far, but I know there's further to go.

Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how I'd changed. What's different about the me when I was fat and the me now.

I remember being at school, as a teenager, when all my friends had the 'x fancies y' type conversations. I hardly ever joined in with those because, even if I did have crushes, I didn't feel like I deserved to fancy anyone else. I thought that because I was fat, I didn't have the right to find anyone else attractive, since I certainly wasn't attractive. I guess I didn't really lose out much, not being a part of those sorts of conversations, but at the time it only served to make me feel even more different, and even more unworthy.

Now that I've lost weight it somehow feels that I have the self confidence to believe in myself. I recognise that I am a normal human being, someone who will have crushes, someone who hopefully will find that special someone and fall in love. My ex, the first boyfriend I've ever had, taught me that actually someone else could find me attractive. He also taught me that it's not just about the outside appearances, it's what's inside and the type of person you are that matters too. I guess it's a sort of balance between the inside and the outside. I'm not trying to suggest that a more outwardly attractive person can be be a nasty person on the inside and people will still want to be with them (although I'm sure in some relationships that is the case)

I think the more self confidence I have, the better I feel about myself inside, the more likely I am to behave and act and hold myself in a way that makes me more attractive on the outside. I'm not really sure if I'm making sense. What do you think?

13 comments:

Mama V said...

When you're not completely at peace with yourself, it's easy to get trapped in the flaws instead of finding your strengths and moving forward with those.

It's great that your weight loss journey is also a journey of self discovery.

Mary Richmond said...

this is a wonderful journey you're on and many more doors and windows will open themselves to you, not because you're losing weight but because you are looking beneath what's 'padding' you to see who you are and who you could be. thanks for sharing your stories.

LazyTcrochet said...

Makes perfect sense. Sounds like you are on the right track!

ARTISANNE said...

I totally know where you're coming from, you are doing brilliantly! I was a 'fat' kid and I know what it's like to lack confidence. I was lucky enough in my teens to have a good friend who spurred me on to eat healthy and exercise, I never looked back. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel, I just sin in moderation now, lol! Feeling good on the inside is the key to happiness :0)

"It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves" - Edmund Hillary

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt


Sorry, I'm a quotaholic!

Cynful said...

Being self-confident is sexy! You're doing amazing! *hugs*

Debra said...

Keep up the great work!!! Way to go...

LaMia Designs said...

that is so awesome...what techniques are you using to lose weight? I am trying to lose more and always like to hear how people are doing it....

SoapWithBalls said...

I'm proud of you and the journey your taking. Your the only one who can decide who 'you' are at any size.

xoxo

Keith (Mindless Pursuits) said...

I'm so happy that you are finally recognizing how awesome you really are! You ARE sexy, and the world knew it but you just needed to figure it out for yourself! :)

Diana said...

I wish I had longer than a second to respond. But I have little tykes that demand my attention, and I'm a sleep deprived zombie anyways, so I'm not sure how much sense I will make.

I enjoyed reading about your journey and your discoveries. I've been there, too, and continue onward (and hopefully upward).

I was a fat kid, a fat young adult, then -- after bigtime weight loss and cosmetic surgery -- a total hottie. Now, older, more wiser, heavier again after children, I am so far ahead in most respects. But the 'old me' persists in more ways than one.

If I have some advice to pass on, it would probably be this: respect and love yourself to the utmost of your ability. Because you deserve it. Absolutely. Whether you look like the lowest common denominator ideal of beauty or not. Be as healthy as you can be, inside and out. Live, follow the things that make you happy, and do not punish yourself for what you may feel lacking. The only way we fail is when we fail ourselves.

Do well, and be wonderful to yourself. I'll look forward to checking in with you again.

Best wishes,
Diana

kim* said...

i think it is good to lose weight for yourself so you can be healthy..its not about impressing others. the right person will love you for both.

i cant imagine being with someone for their appearance and having a terrible personality. i cant imagine being with someone who likes me for my looks. cause i surely dont look good everyday :)

Jen Hintz said...

You absolutely are making sense, and congrats to you. I've been on a similar journey and I know just how hard and rewarding it is. Good job, and keep it up! You have a new regular reader in me. =)

CraftGirlAlli said...

I came across your blog through Etsy today. I am glad to hear your weight loss success! Congrats to you! Its a great accomplishment and good luck with the remainder of it. I agree with what you said, the more confident you feel about yourself, the more people are going to be drawn towards you. I have noticed this in myself lately. I've always been a little overweight. After having my first child last year, I am still carrying around an extra 20lbs. It's been over a year now, so I can't use the "it's still baby weight" excuse anymore. So I have finally got the motivation to start losing the weight. Then after reading your blog today, it gave me that little extra push that I needed to get moving in the right direction!