Monday, August 11, 2008

I'm not THAT fat anymore

I do not have a good mental image of myself. In fact, that's putting it very mildly indeed. I honestly do not have a clue what I look like, I don't know how much space I take up, I am honestly surprised every single time I look in the mirror. I guess maybe one day my brain will catch up with my changing size and shape, but in the meantime it's pretty odd.

I am constantly surprised that I can 'squeeze past' people, for example, at church yesterday when everyone was milling around drinking coffee. Not only could I easily get between people to get to where I wanted, but there wasn't even any 'squeezing' to be done. Where previously I might have had to ask someone to move out of the way, I could get through with no trouble at all. This confused me, because I was still expecting to bump into someone by mistake and have to apologise.

Today I was in a shop trying on clothes and found a pair of long shorts/cropped trousers (they hit me at that knee, so I don't really know what to call them!). I turned to look at myself sideways in the mirror, and was honestly confused that I looked like that. I'm not exactly the slimmest person around, but I'm not THAT fat. This honestly astounds me. I love it. Absolutely love it. Wouldn't trade and go back to being fat for anything in the world, it just still really mystifies me.

To be honest, I don't really know how fat I think I am. I still have days when I just have a fat day, and everything seems to make me feel fat and ugly. But I guess that's probably just part of being a woman! I look at old photos of me, and I can't believe how fat I was. My brain got stuck somewhere along the line, and I'm not exactly sure where. But hey, being surprised by how thin I am can't be a bad thing, really, right?!

(Although I wrote this in the afternoon, I'm changing the time so it appears under the weigh-in post, cos otherwise that might get lost!)

1 comment:

Julie said...

I know exactly what you mean. But mine's the other way round. I had years of being fairly slim, (pre-pregnancies), and then years of gentle increase. I have no idea how fat I am, or how much space I take up. I'm constantly wondering (and asking my daughters) "am I as fat as 'her'?" with random overweight shoppers I see.