The end of another era

Dearest Sophia,

This morning when I came to get you up (at 7.15am - you actually slept in, and I loved it, thank you!) I went in the bathroom first and then I was going to come in to get you, but as I left the bathroom you walked out of your bedroom and gave me the biggest grin in the world.
Yes, for the first time in your life you'd climbed out of the cot by yourself.

And as I type Daddy is busy taking the side off your cot to change it from a cot to a toddler bed. Whatever happened to my little baby girl? Oh life with is a constant "wenture" as you would say (adventure!). And I love it :D

Love Mummy

-9 (28th January 2009)

Written 28th January after taking a pregnancy test. I'd intended to write more letters, but this was the only one I wrote while pregnant.

Dear Baby,

I've wondered for the last couple of weeks whether there was someone growing inside of me, and this morning I saw that blue cross on the test, and knew for sure. Well, pretty sure. I'm going to do another test in a few days and go see my doctor to be sure sure.

I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you. I will do all I can for your good. But, even when at times when I fail, when I let you down, if I make the wrong decisions, there is a God in heaven who will never let you down. I'm excited about the chance to teach you about Him. I know that he holds your life in His hands.

I love you,
your Mummy

28 weeks

Dear Sophia,

Today you are 28 weeks old. That's six and a half months that have just zoomed by. The last couple of months have been unbelieveably busy, both 'socially' and developmentally. So much has happened that I hardly know where to start! Auntie Bekki married Uncle Rob, and you attended your second ever wedding. We moved house, and we're settling in nicely. You love the carpet, and have even rolled over a couple of times to celebrate. We also visited my Grandparents - your great grandparents (on my mum's side) so that they could meet you for the first time. (Great Grandma will hate the following photo, but it's the only one I have of the two of you. You don't look too happy, but I think that's just the moment of the photo.)
For me it was a very special visit because not only were we showing you off to your relatives, it was also the fist time that I'd seen my grandad since he had a stroke last year. It really meant a lot to me to see him holding you, and to see how much he enjoyed having you around.Actually, I want to leave this post there and come back tomorrow for part two. This one is dedicated to my Grandparents, and particularly for my Grandma who is doing an amazing job looking after Grandad.

love Mummy

4 months

Dear Sophia,

Yesterday you turned 4 months old. Already you have changed so much that I'm almost forgetting what you were like in those very early days. Recently a friend of ours had church had a beautiful baby boy, and it's funny to think that although when you're older the age gap will be almost nothing, right now there's a huge difference between the two of you. He's still at the curled up, slightly squished stage, and you're looooong and stretched out. You've been wearing the 3-6 month clothing since before you were 3 months old, and I don't think it will be too much longer before we have to move up another size in babygros, as you pretty much fill the ones you're wearing now.

Last Friday you had your first bath with a rubber duck, and you were fascinated by this new thing. You smiled and giggled as you tried to catch it with both your hands and feet. Your enjoyment confirmed to me the feeling that you'd take after your Daddy and happily spend hours in the bath!

The last few days you've been teething - Just about anything is fair game to be chewed upon, including your fists and clothes, toys, and the fingers or other body parts (arms, chins etc) of anyone who lets you. Unfortunately the teething is also turning you from being one of the most placid babys I know to being a cranky-pants a lot of the time. But when you think about it, what with the pain of the gums, and being tired from having disturbed sleep, it's no wonder you're not your usual happy self.

I love to call you 'my sausage' or 'baby girl'. I wonder how long you'll let me continue to call you those nicknames before you tell me to stop because "you're not a baby anymore" or "you're embarrassing me mum". At the moment you smile and even laugh when I call you my sausage or ask "who's the stinker?" and I love it. I love to stop and play with you. I love to see that smile of recognition when you see me across the room and think "hey, that's my mummy!". I've had the chance to look after lots of other people's children, but there's nothing quite as special as being someone's mummy.

I have to stop as you've woken up again and I suspect you'd like "a little something please mummy".
love from Mummy

13 weeks / 3months

Dear Sophia,

Today you are 13 weeks old, tomorrow you will be 3 months old. I never wrote you a 2 month post, despite Auntie Bekki's constant reminders. I think I had writers block and life got really busy leading up to Christmas.

Right now you're propped up on cushions and I'm leaning over at a slightly funny angle cos you're feeding and I don't want to disturb you, but I do want to type this post while I have the chance. We're still doing combination feeding, and it's working pretty well. I took you to be weighed on Monday and you're continuing to put on weight at a good rate and doing really well healthwise.

Before Christmas Mummy took you for your first set of immunisations. I think it was harder on me than it was on you. I had to hold you down so that when the nurse put the needle in your thigh you couldn't move. You didn't like it the first time, and when I held the second leg you really didn't like it as you could tell something bad was coming. You got over it pretty quickly though, so I think we'll be ok when we take you for your next lot in a week and a half.

Just before Christmas you 'got interesting' as Auntie Danielle would say. All of a sudden you were taking more interest in your hands. You would look at something, like a toy hanging over the moses basket, you would reach out for it and actually make contact. You like holding on to the rings on the bottom of your mobile and then hold on tight for as long as you can. You also like to hold on to the string that's the tie for the moses basket cover. You got several toys and mobiles for Christmas, and your favourite is probably the cow. It somehow has lots of easy ways to hold on to it, and it's really soft.

Your eyes really are brown now. I wrote at five weeks that they were brown, but in some lights I realised they still looked blue. Now they're brown for sure. Big brown eyes that look like they belong to some Disney character. Betty Boo has been suggested on occasion, although you'll probably have to google her name to discover who she is! I love how alert you are, from an early age you've loved looking around checking out the world. You're very placid, and as a general rule you're happy to just hang out and keep an eye on the world. (An exception to this is halfway through a bottle feed when we try to burp you and you SCREAM the place down).

Your smile just gets better and better. It's now a smile that you give in response to something or someone, not just at random. I love to watch your Daddy playing with you 'coming to get you' and tickling you on the tummy. He makes you laugh, and wave your arms and legs around, asking for more. You smile when you hear my voice, or hear my laugh, and you definitely recognise mine and daddy's faces and voices.

We celebrated your first Christmas, both with your Nan and Grandad (Daddy's mum) on Christmas day (Friday), and with my parents (Nana and Grandad) on the Monday. You celebrated so hard on Christmas day that you ended up needing a bath in a washing up bowl. We've taken photos which won't be appearing here, but I'm sure will come in use to embarrass you later in life.

Other changes include moving from size one to size two nappies, and from 0-3month babygros into 3-6month ones. You're so long, and continue to grow - when we change you on the big changing unit you pretty much always kick the wipes off onto the floor. I think we'll have to start putting the changing mat on the floor or bed soon because you're so long.

You're fantastic at holding up your head to look around. You love baths, although I think you may be getting too big for the baby bath soon, so we'll have to think about putting you in the big bath. We also have a lot of rubber ducks which I'm sure you'll enjoy playing with soon enough.
I love looking at you, and snuggling up with you when I'm feeding you. You're so warm, and it's lovely to be able to share those moments with you, looking down at your big wide eyes. (Although you're also very good at falling asleep on me mid-feed!).

We don't really have a fixed routine, more of a rough schedule that is pretty flexible. We try to get you settled in bed by nine, although it doesn't always work. Some nights you'll sleep through until 7am, but other nights you wake up at half 5. It's still a pretty long time, and since I try to get to bed soon after you it means I get a good long sleep as well.

We love having you in our lives, and are enjoying watching you grow and develop.
love Mummy.

One month

Dear Sophia,

You are now one month old. Actually, due to internet issues (Daddy was changing our internet to a new wi-fi system) and lack of time you're actually more than a month old - you're five weeks old today.

Already you have grown and changed in so many ways. Looking back on photos from the first few days you looked so small and scrunched up, and now when you stretch out you're long enough to kick things off the end of the changing unit. In fact we may stop changing you up there soon because you're so wriggley.

I never knew that having a baby would be like this. I've known for years that I wanted to have children, but the reality is so much more than all the ideas. More tiring, more painful, more challenging, but so much more rewarding. Your daddy and I are just overwhelmed sometimes by how much you've changed our lives, but also how much we love you.

As I write this you're staring up at me from the moses basket. You're kicking your legs and waving your arms - I joke that you're doing semaphore. Your kick is very strong and sometimes we find that you've pushed off from the end of the basket and are trying to head for the other end! Actually, you're so long that I wonder just how much longer you'll fit in the basket before we have to come up with other options. At the moment you sleep in your crib in our bedroom at night and in the moses basket in the living room during the day. When you're awake and lying in the basket you love looking around, so I think a bouncy chair might be a good idea to allow you to look around more.

The midwife came on Saturday, the day you turned one month, and finally declared that you'd put on enough weight for them to discharge you. It's be a bit of a rollercoaster month. Most babies drop weight in the first week or so, and anything up to 10% is considered ok. You lost around 600g, which was more like 16% so we needed to add in formula top-ups as well as my milk, to help you put on weight again. Tracey, our midwife, was a wonderful support and in my opinion went above and beyond her role to support us as we looked after you. She also helped me as I struggled with mastitis. I think we've had three extra trips to the hospital in the last month - who'd have thought we'd be back there so soon after your birth, but hopefully we won't need anymore visits for a long time!

In the first couple of weeks everything seemed like a sleep-deprived blur. You woke a lot at night, and we wouldn't have survived without the support of people like your Nana and Grandad and Aunties and Uncle who stayed over at various times, or visited and let me and your daddy sleep while they looked after you. Once we got you on the formula you settled into a better sleeping pattern - meaning that you actually slept! And now you tend to go down to bed around half eight or nine and sleep right through until two or three in the morning. Sometimes it's even as late as four. We get up for a feed, which still takes us about an hour, and then you settle again until seven or eight. This morning you slept until nine and I actually got to have a shower before you woke up. That's sheer luxury, and I don't expect it to happen very often.

I couldn't have survived the past month without your daddy. He's been a rock of support, even at times when he's been more tired than me. And I must mention how fantastic he is at cooking and cleaning. I'll have to get him to teach you cleaning skills when you're older, because he's better at it than me, and a lot tidier!

We've also been really blessed by our extended family and people at Jubilee Church. So many people have given you presents that I sometimes wonder if you have more clothes than me and daddy together! Luckily most people listened when I asked them to go for things in bigger sizes. Your legs are very long and you have big feet (taking after your mummy) that mean that lots of the newborn babygros we have for you are already too small because they squish your toes. I've got a bag hanging on the back of the door in the spare room to put clothes in as we discover you've outgrown them.

I'm amazed by your eyes. The day you were born they were a vivid blue, but I noticed that even by the next day they'd started getting darker. They went darker and darker, but kept a blue outline, that looked like someone had outlined your eye in blue biro. Today I look at your eyes are they are a beautiful deep brown, sometimes looking so dark you can hardly see the pupils in the centre, but there's still a blue line around the outside. You were born with hairy ears and they're still hairy. You also have a lot of hair that you were born with, but shows no signs of falling out, despite lots of people suggesting it will. It started off pretty straight, with just a hint of curls at the ends, but now more and more it seems to be getting curlier. When we bathe you and wet your hair it goes into beautiful little ringlets.

You're now sat on my lap, trying to help me type as you wave your arms around. Daddy complains that you've already managed to bop him on the nose with your waving arms as he cuddled you. You're wearing mittens because your nails are pretty sharp and we still haven't got around to buying any nail scissors. Last week you scratched yourself on the eyelid, and although its healed, you have a lot of dry sore skin on your face and we don't want it to get any worse. Every time we change you we put a little olive oil on your face, and about once a day we oil you all over. That makes you extra tricky to hold as you're such a wiggler already and the oil makes you slippery!

Auntie Hannah will tell you that mummy is good at giving people strange nicknames (case in point, I currently call her Chicken if we speak on the phone!). Mummy's given you lots of nicknames. In the early days I called you a little frog because of the way you would lie with you legs up in the air, bent like a frog's legs. I call you my little sausage, and when I wrap you up in a blanket to go to sleep you're my little sausage roll! We also call you Little Miss Squeaky because sometimes you can sound just like a creaky door. You also squeak when you're waking up to tell us you're hungry - it's as if you want to warn us you'd like to be fed, but you're not actually ready to wake up yet. Ideally I think you'd like to just feed in your sleep, or at least that's what you seem to suggest since you fall asleep on me almost every time I feed you.

You have a lot of aunties (related and honorary), and I'm sure in the future you'll have lots of fun with them all. At the moment they mostly just argue over who gets to cuddle you the most. You've got to spend time at Nana & Grandad's house and with Nan & Grandad and auntie Yvonne. I think they'll spoil you like crazy as at the moment you're the first grandchild on both sides!

I'm looking forward to the next month with you and I'm sure we'll see you smile for the first time soon - there have been times that we've been almost convinced you were really smiling at us.

We love you Sophia Louise,
love Mummy