Saturday, August 30, 2008

Confusion and a Confession

My head is so confused at the moment. I don't know what to think about anything. Supposedly I'm better from my ongoing 7 month illness, and should be ready to face life again. To find a job, to actually earn some money again and stop living off my parents (who have been wonderful to put up with my for sooo long!).
But I'm not. Or maybe I am physically, but not mentally, not emotionally. Life is too hard right now. This is a public announcement to say look, actually, however clued up it might appear that I am, actually life is drowning me right now. I've got too good at pretending things are fine, when they're not. I need some intervention. Cos I can't do it by myself anymore.
Tomorrow at church I intend to talk to some people, and on Monday I'll be ringing my doctor to make an appointment, and I'll refuse to leave until they help me. Cos I'm fed up of feeling like this. I really am.

12 comments:

goodkarma said...

and you should be fed up. you deserve to feel better. and i admire your strength for taking these first steps and commiting to not backing down.
i'm sending you every bit of love and support i can, debs.
be well.
bren

industrialpoppy said...

I hear you. Do not let anyone tell you to go home and that you are fine if you aren't. Trust yourself. We all deserve to feel good and be happy. Hugs from a stranger.

Debbie said...

I'm praying for ya. Love ya, friend.

Kathleen said...

Debs, I really hope things get better for you, I truly do. I know we've never met, but I check in with you every day, comment or not, and I feel as though I know you (please do not run away, I am not a scary stalker person) and I do not like it when the people I know and care about are unhappy and / or ill. Sending you good thoughts and hoping things clear up.

Brandi said...

Jesus is the answer to every question and every problem. Spend quality time with Him every morning...first thing. Pour your heart out to Him...He can take it! Listen to Him and obey Him. Memorize scripture. Play worship music...talk to Him and listen for Him constantly throughout the day (and get used to people thinking you talk to yourself!) :-)

Seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness...THEN everything else will fall into place.

Hope this helps!

Brandi said...

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I'm praying for you and I'm here if you need anything else :-)

VieiraGirl said...

Hope you will be feeling better soon. I hear what you are saying. I have been ill all my life but I have been having one surgery after another this summer. I feel a bit lost these days.
I have been one to say I am ok when I am not mostly because if you say your not ok people don't know how to handle it. Illness can change you and people who love you expect that as soon as you are better that you are back to normal. But just the experience of being ill makes you sometimes loose who you thought you were and what you want. Time and hope is best medicine. Just start doing the things you love or think you will love. You will find your life again.

kim* said...

Well the best this is knowing you are feeling this way. Getting help and knwoing people do care is a perfect start. i need a job too... i feel down alot too...maybe not the same reason as you but i too am having a hard time with life.

lhansen said...

Take care of yourself...remember YOU come first! I've had periods of time where just waking up is difficult! Good luck..get well, and my thoughts are with you.

Caroline said...

Sometimes it takes the mind a while to catch up with the body. But the good thing is, now that your body is healed, you can more readily focus on the rest!

Good luck!

AdornmentsbyMilani.com said...

Sorry you're going through a tough time right now. Looks like Brandi already posted the first thing that I thought of to console you. Hope your church members can offer some comfort.

JazziesJunque said...

Deb, I am so impressed with your strength and honesty. It is a very real problem you are going thru and I know from experience that once you realize that what your are feeling isn't normal and also isn't anything to be ashamed of you are on your way to a healthier life. I have been on meds for some time now to get my condition under control and let me tell you - I love life. I am so proud of you. God is in your life and you are, with His direction, heading in the path to a healthy life.

God Bless you Debs.
Linda/jazz