My head is so confused at the moment. I don't know what to think about anything. Supposedly I'm better from my ongoing 7 month illness, and should be ready to face life again. To find a job, to actually earn some money again and stop living off my parents (who have been wonderful to put up with my for sooo long!).
But I'm not. Or maybe I am physically, but not mentally, not emotionally. Life is too hard right now. This is a public announcement to say look, actually, however clued up it might appear that I am, actually life is drowning me right now. I've got too good at pretending things are fine, when they're not. I need some intervention. Cos I can't do it by myself anymore.
Tomorrow at church I intend to talk to some people, and on Monday I'll be ringing my doctor to make an appointment, and I'll refuse to leave until they help me. Cos I'm fed up of feeling like this. I really am.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
One Weigh or Another - new site suggestions
Ok, hmmm. I'm thinking at the moment that the new site is going to be blogger based. That's for a couple of reasons
*Firstly, I have lots of blogger experience, and I've already set up the OWOA archives on blogger blogs.
*Secondly, I tried experimenting with the free wordpress blogs, and was having lots of trouble doing things with them.
*Finally, it seems silly to try to find something else, which I don't have experience on, given that I know some of the time are fairly new at the whole blogging thing, so it needs to be something I can explain clearly to other people!
We can always move the site (as blest did with the original site) at a later date if that seems appropriate.
Meet the Team - Someone (I know who said what, but I won't reveal who, for a truly impartial vote ;) ) said that they really liked having the meet the team section, and I agree. I'm not totally sure about how I'd go about creating a page like that on a blogger blog, but I've got some ideas, so I'll have a play with it.
This will need people to email me a few stats about themselves - like starting date and weight, current weight, goal weight. Location (this can be as specific or vague as you like) and maybe a random fact or two. Oh, and maybe preferred exercise type..
Recent comments - I don't know if it's possible to have a recent comments thing on a blogger blog. I'm sure it is, but I will be consulting my internet geek friend to find out just how to go about having that. I've seen things on other people's blogs where they have widgets in the sidebar, so I'm sure there's a way to go about doing it, and I know I found that useful when it was working on the original OWOA.
Hall of Fame - It was suggested that we could have some sort of hall of fame, with pics and stories of people's successes so far. I think this idea needs more developing (and that I need to go back to the email that the person who suggested this sent to me, cos I know she had developed it more, I'm just going from the brief notes I made!)
Recipes - I liked having recipes on the site, personally. I will be going through the OWOA recipe archives and tagging each recipe, so that you'll be able to look on the side bar, click on the word 'chicken' and see all the recipes which contain chicken. This may take me a while, but I'll get there...! Any suggestions on any other useful tags to use (eg what about entree, dessert, etc?) let me know in the comments of this post.
Weigh-ins - Do we want to keep weigh-ins on a Monday? Personally, I like the way that it helps me to stay focused at the weekend (sometimes it does, anyway!), cos I know the results will be shown on Monday. On the other hand, sometimes when people are doing well most of the week, and allow themselves a planned treat at the weekends, it can also show up in the weigh-in and be disappointing (for example, when a person weighs in lower all the rest of the week, but is consistently up slightly on a Monday - does that show a fair representation of their weight? Or is is just disheartening?)
One person suggested keeping weigh-ins on Monday, but having an additional weigh in on a Friday.
Food Friday - seems like people never really took much notice of this unless there was a competition on...
Competitions & Challenges - Do you like them? What sort of focus would you like them to have? Exercise? Healthy eating? Random things - different tasks each week? Points for checking in?
Check-ins - It's good to check in regularly, and I would like to emphasise that although I'm not about to start chucking people off the team if they don't contribute enough, I also want to point out that if you're not engaging and checking in on a fairly regular basis, then it's hard to see what the point of being on the team is! (I hope that's not too harsh, and no one feels condemned).
It's just hard to stay accountable and encourage one another if no one knows exactly where the other people are at. At the same time, I don't want the check-ins to just become the same old same old. We need to have variety.
God stuff - One of the things I liked about OWOA at the beginning was the focus on God. The sharing of our lives, and supporting one another with prayer and thanksgiving. I definitely want to maintain/encourage back that emphasis (I think we lost it a bit as time went on, but again, I'm not trying to blame anyone in particular for that, so please don't feel condemned!) Any thoughts on how we go about doing that?
Post Catagories - On blogger you can catagorise a post by adding tags when you write it. I agree that it's good to arrange posts into catagories, but this may have to be done by me after the post is written if other people are unsure what to tag their post as. I guess we can come up with a list of tags to use, like weigh-ins, check-ins, just life, etc.
That's all I got at the minute. Please weigh in with your thoughts, responses and ideas, please :)
*Firstly, I have lots of blogger experience, and I've already set up the OWOA archives on blogger blogs.
*Secondly, I tried experimenting with the free wordpress blogs, and was having lots of trouble doing things with them.
*Finally, it seems silly to try to find something else, which I don't have experience on, given that I know some of the time are fairly new at the whole blogging thing, so it needs to be something I can explain clearly to other people!
We can always move the site (as blest did with the original site) at a later date if that seems appropriate.
Meet the Team - Someone (I know who said what, but I won't reveal who, for a truly impartial vote ;) ) said that they really liked having the meet the team section, and I agree. I'm not totally sure about how I'd go about creating a page like that on a blogger blog, but I've got some ideas, so I'll have a play with it.
This will need people to email me a few stats about themselves - like starting date and weight, current weight, goal weight. Location (this can be as specific or vague as you like) and maybe a random fact or two. Oh, and maybe preferred exercise type..
Recent comments - I don't know if it's possible to have a recent comments thing on a blogger blog. I'm sure it is, but I will be consulting my internet geek friend to find out just how to go about having that. I've seen things on other people's blogs where they have widgets in the sidebar, so I'm sure there's a way to go about doing it, and I know I found that useful when it was working on the original OWOA.
Hall of Fame - It was suggested that we could have some sort of hall of fame, with pics and stories of people's successes so far. I think this idea needs more developing (and that I need to go back to the email that the person who suggested this sent to me, cos I know she had developed it more, I'm just going from the brief notes I made!)
Recipes - I liked having recipes on the site, personally. I will be going through the OWOA recipe archives and tagging each recipe, so that you'll be able to look on the side bar, click on the word 'chicken' and see all the recipes which contain chicken. This may take me a while, but I'll get there...! Any suggestions on any other useful tags to use (eg what about entree, dessert, etc?) let me know in the comments of this post.
Weigh-ins - Do we want to keep weigh-ins on a Monday? Personally, I like the way that it helps me to stay focused at the weekend (sometimes it does, anyway!), cos I know the results will be shown on Monday. On the other hand, sometimes when people are doing well most of the week, and allow themselves a planned treat at the weekends, it can also show up in the weigh-in and be disappointing (for example, when a person weighs in lower all the rest of the week, but is consistently up slightly on a Monday - does that show a fair representation of their weight? Or is is just disheartening?)
One person suggested keeping weigh-ins on Monday, but having an additional weigh in on a Friday.
Food Friday - seems like people never really took much notice of this unless there was a competition on...
Competitions & Challenges - Do you like them? What sort of focus would you like them to have? Exercise? Healthy eating? Random things - different tasks each week? Points for checking in?
Check-ins - It's good to check in regularly, and I would like to emphasise that although I'm not about to start chucking people off the team if they don't contribute enough, I also want to point out that if you're not engaging and checking in on a fairly regular basis, then it's hard to see what the point of being on the team is! (I hope that's not too harsh, and no one feels condemned).
It's just hard to stay accountable and encourage one another if no one knows exactly where the other people are at. At the same time, I don't want the check-ins to just become the same old same old. We need to have variety.
God stuff - One of the things I liked about OWOA at the beginning was the focus on God. The sharing of our lives, and supporting one another with prayer and thanksgiving. I definitely want to maintain/encourage back that emphasis (I think we lost it a bit as time went on, but again, I'm not trying to blame anyone in particular for that, so please don't feel condemned!) Any thoughts on how we go about doing that?
Post Catagories - On blogger you can catagorise a post by adding tags when you write it. I agree that it's good to arrange posts into catagories, but this may have to be done by me after the post is written if other people are unsure what to tag their post as. I guess we can come up with a list of tags to use, like weigh-ins, check-ins, just life, etc.
That's all I got at the minute. Please weigh in with your thoughts, responses and ideas, please :)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Good Morning!
We're off to visit my grandparents for the day, so not time for a big post. I'll be back with proper content tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view
I guess pretty much all my readers must know that I've been on a weight loss journey for the past two years. I started in October 2006 weighing 294lb (that's 21 stone). Yes, I was fat, more than that, I was obese. I hated how I was, and I hated who I was. Over the course of the last two years I've lost 90lb and I'm still not done yet. I've come so far, but I know there's further to go.
Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how I'd changed. What's different about the me when I was fat and the me now.
I remember being at school, as a teenager, when all my friends had the 'x fancies y' type conversations. I hardly ever joined in with those because, even if I did have crushes, I didn't feel like I deserved to fancy anyone else. I thought that because I was fat, I didn't have the right to find anyone else attractive, since I certainly wasn't attractive. I guess I didn't really lose out much, not being a part of those sorts of conversations, but at the time it only served to make me feel even more different, and even more unworthy.
Now that I've lost weight it somehow feels that I have the self confidence to believe in myself. I recognise that I am a normal human being, someone who will have crushes, someone who hopefully will find that special someone and fall in love. My ex, the first boyfriend I've ever had, taught me that actually someone else could find me attractive. He also taught me that it's not just about the outside appearances, it's what's inside and the type of person you are that matters too. I guess it's a sort of balance between the inside and the outside. I'm not trying to suggest that a more outwardly attractive person can be be a nasty person on the inside and people will still want to be with them (although I'm sure in some relationships that is the case)
I think the more self confidence I have, the better I feel about myself inside, the more likely I am to behave and act and hold myself in a way that makes me more attractive on the outside. I'm not really sure if I'm making sense. What do you think?
Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how I'd changed. What's different about the me when I was fat and the me now.
I remember being at school, as a teenager, when all my friends had the 'x fancies y' type conversations. I hardly ever joined in with those because, even if I did have crushes, I didn't feel like I deserved to fancy anyone else. I thought that because I was fat, I didn't have the right to find anyone else attractive, since I certainly wasn't attractive. I guess I didn't really lose out much, not being a part of those sorts of conversations, but at the time it only served to make me feel even more different, and even more unworthy.
Now that I've lost weight it somehow feels that I have the self confidence to believe in myself. I recognise that I am a normal human being, someone who will have crushes, someone who hopefully will find that special someone and fall in love. My ex, the first boyfriend I've ever had, taught me that actually someone else could find me attractive. He also taught me that it's not just about the outside appearances, it's what's inside and the type of person you are that matters too. I guess it's a sort of balance between the inside and the outside. I'm not trying to suggest that a more outwardly attractive person can be be a nasty person on the inside and people will still want to be with them (although I'm sure in some relationships that is the case)
I think the more self confidence I have, the better I feel about myself inside, the more likely I am to behave and act and hold myself in a way that makes me more attractive on the outside. I'm not really sure if I'm making sense. What do you think?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A little blog business
Before I went on holiday I wrote several pretty long meaty posts. Since then the posts have mostly been photos and a few odd comments. I think I want to try to maintain having both.
The longer posts were good therapy for me - blogging is definitely a sort of therapy, I'm sure. They helped me think things through and come to some conclusions, and also your comments provided me with some valuable thoughts and opinions, so thank you.
I also like having somewhere to share photos and anicdotes.
And we've also had One Weigh or Another (weight-loss) stuff posted here. So it's all a bit confusing, I guess. Very very soon I will be launching the new OWOA site, and all that stuff will shift to being over there. Please bear with me as I get used to being home from holiday, and get stuff sorted out on here.
The longer posts were good therapy for me - blogging is definitely a sort of therapy, I'm sure. They helped me think things through and come to some conclusions, and also your comments provided me with some valuable thoughts and opinions, so thank you.
I also like having somewhere to share photos and anicdotes.
And we've also had One Weigh or Another (weight-loss) stuff posted here. So it's all a bit confusing, I guess. Very very soon I will be launching the new OWOA site, and all that stuff will shift to being over there. Please bear with me as I get used to being home from holiday, and get stuff sorted out on here.
A few highlights from our holiday
(I took over 300 pics, so here are a few plucked at random!)
In the rain...
In the car...
It's not raining...!
We saw LOTS of sheep
In the rain...
In the car...
It's not raining...!
We saw LOTS of sheep
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
OWOA-ers
Please check your emails. If you haven't got an email from me, and you're interested in being a part of the new site, please leave me a comment or better still email me at white-elephant AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk and I'll get back to you asap :)
Twisted ankle
Sunday sun shines down on San Fransisco bay
More random pre-holiday pics for your viewing amusement.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Saturday, what a day
Time to start unpacking....!
Relaunch of OWOA will be happening soon. So any last minute thoughts - comment here or email me on white-elephant AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk
Relaunch of OWOA will be happening soon. So any last minute thoughts - comment here or email me on white-elephant AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk
Friday, August 22, 2008
hi honey, I'm home
We made it home safely. This weekend is going to be busy, so there are still a few more autoposts set up to appear, since I'm not sure how much I'll properly be around....
Um, I really don't want to gloat, especially since lots of you seem to be finding things really hard at the moment, but I think I've finally managed to get the weight loss going again.
The day we left for our holiday I weighed in at 211.8
I just weighed myself, and I was 205. And that's not at my usual weighing time, so it may be down more than that on Monday. That's an all time low for me, and just what I needed to get my butt kicked back into gear :)
Um, I really don't want to gloat, especially since lots of you seem to be finding things really hard at the moment, but I think I've finally managed to get the weight loss going again.
The day we left for our holiday I weighed in at 211.8
I just weighed myself, and I was 205. And that's not at my usual weighing time, so it may be down more than that on Monday. That's an all time low for me, and just what I needed to get my butt kicked back into gear :)
Friday's here again
So how are you feeling?
I'll be here properly soon..., so make sure I have plenty of interesting comments to read when I am :)
I'll be here properly soon..., so make sure I have plenty of interesting comments to read when I am :)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
It's Raining, It's Pouring
I'm fed up of rain, and lack of connection with the outside world - there's not even mobile signal in the cottage where we're staying. I'm currently in a public library to post this, but I've gotta go any minute.
Hugs to all.
(actually, it's not raining right now. But it has rained an awful lot and probably will rain some more..)
Hugs to all.
(actually, it's not raining right now. But it has rained an awful lot and probably will rain some more..)
Hey hey good looking
Watcha got cooking?
What are you eating today? Any exciting recipe you wanna share?
Don't forget to make sure you're getting enough water to drink.
Abby says, why am I a cat? I answer, why not? ;)
What are you eating today? Any exciting recipe you wanna share?
Don't forget to make sure you're getting enough water to drink.
Abby says, why am I a cat? I answer, why not? ;)
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
All done!
Hey OWOAers! DebbieBoo here -- I've hijacked Deb's blog! But no worries: she gave me permission.
Just wanted to let you all know that I finished posting recipes to the OWOA Recipes blog. Most all of the posts give credit to the original posters -- if you come across one of your recipes and it's missing your name just leave a comment and I'll fix it. I also redirected links -- for example, if one recipe references a previous one, then I changed the link so it's from the new OWOA Recipe site and not the old site. Only on rare occasions did I also post comments -- it was usually with the posts that asked opinions/advice (for example, "How do I cook peppers? What should I prepare for a cookout?" etc).
A small handful of recipes disappeared from the original OWOA site. The title and comments were there but not the body. The only one I remember from the top of my head is Asparagus & Ham Spears. (((Does anyone still have that recipe because it sounds yummy!))) So if you happen to notice one of your recipes missing, feel free to let us know so we can add it in!
Remember to think about Debs' question: What would you like to see on the new site? We need your ideas, people! (Of course I'm not one to talk; I've got nothin.')
Hope everyone has a happy Sunday! Remember, this is the day that the Lord has made!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
So long and thanks for all the fish
It's been all go around here.
I've spent the entire day working on OWOA archives, and I still only got to February 2007. However, there is a contingency plan, so have no fear. I got friends with the right no-how, and how totally ROCK. And bye friends, I mean one friend in particular who's been doing all sorts of stuff, so once I get home I should be able to recreate OWOA in archive with a little bit of time, or more likely a lot of time. But hey, I'd be bored with nothing to do!
Tomorrow we're off to a second holiday cottage, and this one is on a sheep farm in the middle of no-where and has no internet access. But don't worry, you'll be left with the pre-posts I wrote at midnight before I came on holiday (so apologies if they're a little wild)
Love and hugs to all :)
I DID IT!
Hey y'all, I'm cutting and pasting and creating OWOA archives. 'tis a slow job.
But, I'm really excited cos I just found I'd achieved a goal I set for myself way back in November 2006.
Actually, the goal then was just to be slim enough for the new belt I'd just bought myself, but NOW I've achieved something even better - I no longer fit into clothes from that shop - It's Evans, the equivalent of Lane Bryant. How cool is that?!
OWOA archives
OWOA recipes
But, I'm really excited cos I just found I'd achieved a goal I set for myself way back in November 2006.
Actually, the goal then was just to be slim enough for the new belt I'd just bought myself, but NOW I've achieved something even better - I no longer fit into clothes from that shop - It's Evans, the equivalent of Lane Bryant. How cool is that?!
OWOA archives
OWOA recipes
The sun'll come out tomorrow, bet ya bottom dollar!
So be happy :)
OWOA-ers. Please be brainstorming ideas for things you'd like to see on the new site.
Regular features? Links? etc etc.
Thanks :)
OWOA-ers. Please be brainstorming ideas for things you'd like to see on the new site.
Regular features? Links? etc etc.
Thanks :)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Question
Tell me what you think about that.
- A line from a song that's going around and around in my head. But, seems a good lead in to getting y'all to leave me some questions to answer on my blog. Cos I need some blogging inspiration.
Please? Pretty please?
- A line from a song that's going around and around in my head. But, seems a good lead in to getting y'all to leave me some questions to answer on my blog. Cos I need some blogging inspiration.
Please? Pretty please?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Postcard from Wales
Dear all,
We're having a lovely time on holiday in Wales. It's rained a lot of the time we've been here, but we've got our waterproofs, so we'll be ok ;) The car broke down on Sunday (the clutch went) so we've been doing stuff on foot and by bus instead. We did a 8 or 9 mile hike on Tuesday, and we have another big walk planned for tomorrow. On Saturday we're moving from a house in a town to a house in the middle of nowhere, so hopefully no more car troubles then!
Love to you all, wish you were here.
Dx
ps this is me looking like I'd been pulled through a hedge backwards having just got home from the hike.
We're having a lovely time on holiday in Wales. It's rained a lot of the time we've been here, but we've got our waterproofs, so we'll be ok ;) The car broke down on Sunday (the clutch went) so we've been doing stuff on foot and by bus instead. We did a 8 or 9 mile hike on Tuesday, and we have another big walk planned for tomorrow. On Saturday we're moving from a house in a town to a house in the middle of nowhere, so hopefully no more car troubles then!
Love to you all, wish you were here.
Dx
ps this is me looking like I'd been pulled through a hedge backwards having just got home from the hike.
Check-in
How's your week going? What have you been doing? What plans do you have for the rest of the week? Are you getting enough water? Are you on plan with your eating? Are you exercising?
*hugs* to all :)
*hugs* to all :)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Who am I?
Sometimes I feel grown up and sensible and at other times I feel like a schoolgirl trying to live in the adult word. A bit like how Jenna, the character in 13 going on 30, feels. I think going on holiday with my family can definitely have that effect on me. It's fun to be all together. My older sister, Bekki, usually lives in Cambridge, and HP, my younger sister is away at university half the year, so when we do have the chance to be altogether it's fun. Well, for the first 24 hours or so.. and then we generally start to have a few arguments, but even then, well, it wouldn't be family time without them!
So who am I? Am I the confident grown up who takes care of The Little One and Little Flower, who can deal with poop issues and kiddo mess without batting an eyelid.
Or am I the 'little kid' who likes mucking around being silly with her sisters?
Am I a beautiful, confident woman? Or am I an ugly, awkward, girl who lacks confidence?
I guess the answer is sometimes I'm all of these things. I wish that I could be and feel beautiful, confident and 'grown up' all of the time, but I have to face the fact that I'm not gonna feel like that every day. Some days I'll feel good about myself, some days I won't, but I think, so long as I keep mostly loving being me, then that's a pretty good place to be.
Oh, and in case anyone wondered, I refuse to stop being the little girl who has fun mucking around and being silly with my sisters. Sometimes I think that's when I'm actually most being me :)
So who am I? Am I the confident grown up who takes care of The Little One and Little Flower, who can deal with poop issues and kiddo mess without batting an eyelid.
Or am I the 'little kid' who likes mucking around being silly with her sisters?
Am I a beautiful, confident woman? Or am I an ugly, awkward, girl who lacks confidence?
I guess the answer is sometimes I'm all of these things. I wish that I could be and feel beautiful, confident and 'grown up' all of the time, but I have to face the fact that I'm not gonna feel like that every day. Some days I'll feel good about myself, some days I won't, but I think, so long as I keep mostly loving being me, then that's a pretty good place to be.
Oh, and in case anyone wondered, I refuse to stop being the little girl who has fun mucking around and being silly with my sisters. Sometimes I think that's when I'm actually most being me :)
All you need is love
Is that true? Is love all you need? What sort of love is it, if it's all you need?
What about food and clothes and somewhere to live? What about friends and money and a job?
What about life's little luxuries? What do actually need, and what things are just what we want?
What about food and clothes and somewhere to live? What about friends and money and a job?
What about life's little luxuries? What do actually need, and what things are just what we want?
Monday, August 11, 2008
I'm not THAT fat anymore
I do not have a good mental image of myself. In fact, that's putting it very mildly indeed. I honestly do not have a clue what I look like, I don't know how much space I take up, I am honestly surprised every single time I look in the mirror. I guess maybe one day my brain will catch up with my changing size and shape, but in the meantime it's pretty odd.
I am constantly surprised that I can 'squeeze past' people, for example, at church yesterday when everyone was milling around drinking coffee. Not only could I easily get between people to get to where I wanted, but there wasn't even any 'squeezing' to be done. Where previously I might have had to ask someone to move out of the way, I could get through with no trouble at all. This confused me, because I was still expecting to bump into someone by mistake and have to apologise.
Today I was in a shop trying on clothes and found a pair of long shorts/cropped trousers (they hit me at that knee, so I don't really know what to call them!). I turned to look at myself sideways in the mirror, and was honestly confused that I looked like that. I'm not exactly the slimmest person around, but I'm not THAT fat. This honestly astounds me. I love it. Absolutely love it. Wouldn't trade and go back to being fat for anything in the world, it just still really mystifies me.
To be honest, I don't really know how fat I think I am. I still have days when I just have a fat day, and everything seems to make me feel fat and ugly. But I guess that's probably just part of being a woman! I look at old photos of me, and I can't believe how fat I was. My brain got stuck somewhere along the line, and I'm not exactly sure where. But hey, being surprised by how thin I am can't be a bad thing, really, right?!
(Although I wrote this in the afternoon, I'm changing the time so it appears under the weigh-in post, cos otherwise that might get lost!)
I am constantly surprised that I can 'squeeze past' people, for example, at church yesterday when everyone was milling around drinking coffee. Not only could I easily get between people to get to where I wanted, but there wasn't even any 'squeezing' to be done. Where previously I might have had to ask someone to move out of the way, I could get through with no trouble at all. This confused me, because I was still expecting to bump into someone by mistake and have to apologise.
Today I was in a shop trying on clothes and found a pair of long shorts/cropped trousers (they hit me at that knee, so I don't really know what to call them!). I turned to look at myself sideways in the mirror, and was honestly confused that I looked like that. I'm not exactly the slimmest person around, but I'm not THAT fat. This honestly astounds me. I love it. Absolutely love it. Wouldn't trade and go back to being fat for anything in the world, it just still really mystifies me.
To be honest, I don't really know how fat I think I am. I still have days when I just have a fat day, and everything seems to make me feel fat and ugly. But I guess that's probably just part of being a woman! I look at old photos of me, and I can't believe how fat I was. My brain got stuck somewhere along the line, and I'm not exactly sure where. But hey, being surprised by how thin I am can't be a bad thing, really, right?!
(Although I wrote this in the afternoon, I'm changing the time so it appears under the weigh-in post, cos otherwise that might get lost!)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
looking like her brother
I was flicking through my photo folders on the computer, and although this photo won't win any awards for composition or anything like that, I noticed that I've seen this expression on the Little One many a time.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Saturday
It's a Saturday, but I'm not going to a wedding, for a change! (I did that on Thursday this week). Seriously, is there something in the water/air with all these weddings going on?!
Instead we're popping off to Wales for a little while. But don't worry, with a little bit of bloggy magic, there will still be posts everyday we're gone. In fact, you might begin to wonder if I'm really gone at all...
Instead we're popping off to Wales for a little while. But don't worry, with a little bit of bloggy magic, there will still be posts everyday we're gone. In fact, you might begin to wonder if I'm really gone at all...
Welcome OWOA-ers
Well done for making it over here.
Why not leave a comment to show that you did! If you need an idea of what to say you can tell me something exciting that's happened to you/is going to happen this week.
Why not leave a comment to show that you did! If you need an idea of what to say you can tell me something exciting that's happened to you/is going to happen this week.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Note to my regular readers
There will be some extra traffic to my blog over the next couple of weeks, and some extra posts too. That's because we're in the middle of changing venue for our weight-loss site (One Weigh or Another) and in the meantime, I'm going to be hosting the site here instead.
Feel free, if you're a regular reader rather than a OWOA-er to go ahead and comment on any of the posts, even if they are directed at OWOA peeps. For example, we will be weighing in on Monday ;)
Feel free, if you're a regular reader rather than a OWOA-er to go ahead and comment on any of the posts, even if they are directed at OWOA peeps. For example, we will be weighing in on Monday ;)
I can't write it right now
Something's gotta give. And that something is my blog post. It's half written, and I just don't have the mental energy to give to it right now. So it will be coming, but not for a few weeks. Sorry about that.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
let's talk about sex, baby, but let's do it tomorrow
I'm in the middle of writing a post. Yes it's about sex. It's kinda got a bit stuck. I'm trying to work out which direction to take it next.
So in the meantime here's a couple of photos of me, one taken today and one back in February.
Plus another bonus pic from today
So in the meantime here's a couple of photos of me, one taken today and one back in February.
Plus another bonus pic from today
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
"You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs"
"I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no."
I don't know what to write. Having written several serious well thought out (well, sort of well thought out) blog posts, I'm not really sure where to go from here.
I like writing serious posts, but this blog is called "It's My Life", and my life is full of funny stuff, so there ought to be some funny stuff on here too.
Unfortunately, having written that last sentence, I have now entirely run out of funny things to say. Maybe.
But watch this space, there'll be a bit of both, methinks.
I don't know what to write. Having written several serious well thought out (well, sort of well thought out) blog posts, I'm not really sure where to go from here.
I like writing serious posts, but this blog is called "It's My Life", and my life is full of funny stuff, so there ought to be some funny stuff on here too.
Unfortunately, having written that last sentence, I have now entirely run out of funny things to say. Maybe.
But watch this space, there'll be a bit of both, methinks.
Monday, August 04, 2008
So confused, my heart's bruised. Was I ever loved by you?
One of the things I've learnt about myself recently is that I'm very needy when it comes to wanting reassurance from friends and family. I need to be told that I'm loved, that I'm doing ok, that I'm needed. I don't really know it that's a good thing or a bad thing.
On the one hand, I luckily have great friends who are constantly telling me that they love me, that I'm beautiful, that the world would be a sadder place without me. On the other hand, I know that I need to be finding my assurance not in other people, but in God, and my identity in him. Once again it comes down to the fact that I need to stop looking to other people to fulfill me, to tell me that I'm loved, and look to God.
God will never leave me, nor forsake me. God is always there. My identity is secure in God. I never have any need to doubt that God loves me. God sent his Son to die for me while I was still a sinner, that I might be adopted into his family, and never again have to doubt that am I loved.
I know that I don't remind myself of that enough, so I have a feeling that a fair few posts may turn out to be related to this topic as I try to work through stuff in my head.
On the one hand, I luckily have great friends who are constantly telling me that they love me, that I'm beautiful, that the world would be a sadder place without me. On the other hand, I know that I need to be finding my assurance not in other people, but in God, and my identity in him. Once again it comes down to the fact that I need to stop looking to other people to fulfill me, to tell me that I'm loved, and look to God.
God will never leave me, nor forsake me. God is always there. My identity is secure in God. I never have any need to doubt that God loves me. God sent his Son to die for me while I was still a sinner, that I might be adopted into his family, and never again have to doubt that am I loved.
I know that I don't remind myself of that enough, so I have a feeling that a fair few posts may turn out to be related to this topic as I try to work through stuff in my head.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
"Single right now, that's how I wanna be" or not?
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look goodLast night I watched Bridget Jones' Diary on television. I've seen it plenty of times before, but it got me thinking a bit about singleness and singletons (A self-description of individuals without romantic partners, particularly applied to women in their thirties introduced in the novel and film). Then an article in the Times Magazine form yesterday's paper turned that thought into the seed for a blog post. I'm also conducting a little market research over on the etsy forums. I'll throw in a random quotation from the article in The Times between every paragraph, to give you some food for thought!
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love, 'cause I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just cause you say I should
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
('Single' by Natasha Bedingfield)
There is so much stuff out there about singleness. A commenter on an earlier post told me to embrace my singleness. But what does that mean? How can I embrace my singleness? What are the differences between being single and being in a relationship? I have a feeling that this post may turn into one of those 'how long is a piece of string' type deals, but it'd be great to hear your opinions on some of these matters.
"That's the truth about being single; it can be horrendous, only I'm not allowed to admit it"
Being single all you have to think about is yourself. There's no one else to consider, no one else's feelings to be mindful of. You can jump on a plane and backpack across Australia, go scuba diving in the Caribbean, not worry when your pay check is spent and all you have is baked beans in the cupboard... So, why aren't I out there doing those things? I'm single, I have no responsibilities, why am I stuck here at home being boring and waiting for a man to come along? (Not strictly true, but to emphasise my point!) What am I doing with my life? How can I use my life better to achieve something, rather than waiting around for someone else? Surely I need to discover my own identity first, rather than hanging about for someone else to fulfill me.
"Prevailing 21st century thought [...] is trying to convince me that being single is the best thing that can happen to a person."
Several of the people who responded on etsy were single people who told me they thought singleness was a blessing. That they had too much 'baggage' of their own to go into a relationship with someone else. At what point does a person make that observation about themself? When does the thinking shift from 'when he comes along' to 'I don't want him to come along'. Is is even that they would turn down a relationship if the opportunity for one arose, or is it an excuse that people tell themselves enough times that they begin to believe it?
"The loneliness, the effort, that musty smell in your flat because you spend too much time in it [...] that's all in your mind. A fabrication. You're not bored, you just think you're bored because being single is fabulous! There are more than 3 million single people living in Britain today - everyone's at it, why not join in the fun?"
Personally, I'm single at the moment. I'd like to spend my time being single to achieve something. But, I have to admit that I don't want to stay single forever. I do want to do the wife and mother thing. I feel like a part of me would fail to be satisfied if that doesn't happen for me. I want to know the intimate more than friendship kind of relationship that comes with being married (As I've said before, I'm a Christian, and believe in sex only within a marital context. I'm sorry if other people don't agree, but this is my blog!)
I've always been one of those 'good with kids' type of people. I would love to have a chance to use those skills to care for my own children. I appreciate that I've just made the leap from being single to having kids, but for me, part of being in a relationship, specifically marriage is to procreate.
"If only there were some service that would reliably predict when any period of non-voluntary solitude would end, it would cut out the anxiety and allow single people to enjoy the good things about their lives: increased lucidity, productivity, creativity and self-awareness."
I don't think I've come to any conclusions at all here. I guess maybe I'm still confused about it all, or I'm just playing devil's advocate. But what do you think? Singleness, a blessing or a curse? Or something inbetween? If you're single, how do you embrace that singleness? If you're not, what should I be doing to embrace mine? And finally, anyone know any tall cute single christian men? ;)
Saturday, August 02, 2008
who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
That seems a very cynical way to start a blog post, but since I started using lines from that song, I decided to continue.
I'm also watching Bridget Jones' Diary at the same time as blogging. So who knows what'll come out of my mouth, or should that be fingers?
Actually, blatantly this is not going to manage to be a hard hitting serious blog post. So I'll go for rabbiting vaguely....
"I like you just the way you are" (as said by Mark to Bridget). What an amazing line :)
I'm really convinced I'm a hot tub person really. It's been fun using it while I'm here housesitting, but I don't think I'd want to have one all the time. Although it'd be more fun if I had someone else to go in it with me!
Ok, brain's gone dead. I'm gonna hit post and go back to watching the film...
I'm also watching Bridget Jones' Diary at the same time as blogging. So who knows what'll come out of my mouth, or should that be fingers?
Actually, blatantly this is not going to manage to be a hard hitting serious blog post. So I'll go for rabbiting vaguely....
"I like you just the way you are" (as said by Mark to Bridget). What an amazing line :)
I'm really convinced I'm a hot tub person really. It's been fun using it while I'm here housesitting, but I don't think I'd want to have one all the time. Although it'd be more fun if I had someone else to go in it with me!
Ok, brain's gone dead. I'm gonna hit post and go back to watching the film...
Friday, August 01, 2008
I've got to do what?
Recently I've been thinking a lot about my self worth and self image and self esteem. Over the last year and a half I've lost about 6 stone (84lb) in weight. Having been overweight all my life, I'm experiencing real freedom both physically and emotionally as I've changed. I would say that I have more confidence in myself, I'm more likely to give things a go rather than shy away, I generally like what I see when I look in the mirror.
However, I know I still have lots of self worth issues to work through. One good friend of mine constantly tells me that I'm beautiful. Some days I'm willing to believe that, but others I wonder how on earth they can say that. He says I should tell myself that until I believe it. The problem is I've had years of mentally writing myself off, of lacking confidence in myself, of hating who I was and how I looked. Things are getting better, but it still needs work.
I was reading a book the other day which mentioned the following bible verses. Most people would probably focus on the first part of what Jesus says, and that's right and good to do that, but this book was drawing out the second commandment.
Matthew 22:37-39
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
'Love your neighbour as yourself'. I don't know how many times I've read or heard that said, but I've never grasped it the way they were explaining it in this book. 'Love you neighbour', I can grasp that and do that fine, but 'as yourself'? Wait a second? It says I have to love myself. It's a commandment from God that I should do that. If I don't love myself I'm doing an injustice to God. I'm belittling something that God has made and loves and honours highly. One of the things I want to do more of the next few days and weeks is to look at my position in God's eyes. I know that God loves me, but I don't think I understand fully what that means. I want to look at scripture and the things it says about me and meditate more upon it.
However, I know I still have lots of self worth issues to work through. One good friend of mine constantly tells me that I'm beautiful. Some days I'm willing to believe that, but others I wonder how on earth they can say that. He says I should tell myself that until I believe it. The problem is I've had years of mentally writing myself off, of lacking confidence in myself, of hating who I was and how I looked. Things are getting better, but it still needs work.
I was reading a book the other day which mentioned the following bible verses. Most people would probably focus on the first part of what Jesus says, and that's right and good to do that, but this book was drawing out the second commandment.
Matthew 22:37-39
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
'Love your neighbour as yourself'. I don't know how many times I've read or heard that said, but I've never grasped it the way they were explaining it in this book. 'Love you neighbour', I can grasp that and do that fine, but 'as yourself'? Wait a second? It says I have to love myself. It's a commandment from God that I should do that. If I don't love myself I'm doing an injustice to God. I'm belittling something that God has made and loves and honours highly. One of the things I want to do more of the next few days and weeks is to look at my position in God's eyes. I know that God loves me, but I don't think I understand fully what that means. I want to look at scripture and the things it says about me and meditate more upon it.
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