but I think I can deal with that.
If you'd told me a year ago what changes would be happening in the next 12 months I'd probably first of all laughed, then maybe cried, and finally probably totally freaked out. Those of you who know me in person probably know that a year ago it certainly didn't look like M and I would get things back together, my health was still causing me lots of problems, and I was pretty depressed.
I am so glad about the changes that have taken place, and I thank God all the time for how my life is shaping out. But I still have a mini freak out about it every once in a while. A couple of weeks back I went up to Cambridge to help Bekki to do some packing ready to move house. That night when I got home I had a big old sobbing crying freak out on my husband. It just felt like everything was changing in my life, and I needed the rest of my family to stay the same, but instead of doing that they were getting married, and getting engaged and all sorts of other life-changing events. I really wasn't trying to deny them their happiness, it just felt like I needed a little bit of stability, something to stay the same, and instead everything was changing, and changing BIG TIME.
I am happy for Hannah & Steve and Bekki & Rob, I really am. I love marriage. It's been just over 3 months for me and M, and I can't imagine anything else. It feels so natural, so right and so normal. I think it just continues to dawn on me, as and when things like this happen, that life doesn't stop. It goes on changing and evolving, families grow and develop, relationships change, things will never be the same again. But, and it's a big but, change doesn't have to be bad. It'll be exciting and different and at times downright scary, and I'm certain I'll have some more freak outs over the next couple of months. But, deep down inside, where it really matters, I know it's gonna be ok. God is good, and I can trust Him to never change. My foundation is secure, and I'm keeping my eyes on him. But keep the tissues handy, cos I'm sure I'll continue to need 'em.