Monday, February 25, 2008

It's not fair

I don't want to be sat here, in my house, on my own. I want to be somewhere else. I just don't know where that is.

I want to be somewhere that I feel at home. Where I'm with people and feel loved.

I don't want to be here, crying again for either no reason or some stupid reason that makes no sense.

I thought I would have got beyond this by now, but I haven't, I can't.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

Those are the thoughts going through my head this morning.

(I feel like a little kid about to throw myself on the floor and have a big tantrum. heck, maybe I'd feel better if I did!)


Pig wot flies said...

You could go for a walk. On the treadmill or outside. Stomping in the mud in the forest is good for working off bad moods, I've found.
You could look for interesting jobs on the internet.
You could cut up and sew things.

Krazy Kate Designs said...

Yep Debs, you need to force yourself to do something if you can. hugs!

Missy said...


I've been meaning to talk to you about this stuff, but keep getting distracted. Also, we don't speak "one-to-one" too much, BUT you have been dropping by at my place here and there, so I am feeling a little less stranger-ish. :)

About 1.5 years ago, I relocated from Texas to NEW England - not the same, I know, but bare with me. The change has been traumatic! I was excited as we planned this, but there were two things I did not account for - COLD (well I did consider it, but I really had no idea that cold also came with less sunlight!) and COLD. The people here are so very different than the people I knew in Texas. I have been told that the culture in New England is very much like the culture in OLD England. I don't know if that is true, but maybe you would know. It's not really that the people here are "cold" but to a newbie, it can sure seem that way - especially in more populated areas like Boston, or extremely unpopulated areas like Maine. In Texas I could easily talk to any stranger and make an instant friend. (Very much like on the internet!) But here it takes a LONG time to get real, personal and feel like you know someone and they know you. I spent, and am still spending, a great deal of time in limbo as I put in that time. I do know that it will be just as rewarding in the end, so I remain hopeful, and I probably spend WAY more time on the internet than I would normally, just so I can continue to have some deeper conversations than I am able to have in person.

I know England is your home, and most likely you don't feel the same way I do, but I do know that going to Texas can be a warm (in more than one meaning) experience that can leave you feeling in limbo when it's gone.

I could be way off, but that's my two cents. And I am sorry this is so long! I will pray for you and that whatever it is you need will reach out and "warm" your heart!