Looking lovely..

Bekki hadn't seen the Little Flower in over a year, but they got on like a house on fire. Little Flower's hair was sticking up like that all day.

Happy in the Sunshine

These were taken yesterday while in Cheltenham for the
celebration of my Grandad's 80th birthday.

Life is ok, I think

Well, I did just do 45 mins on my treadmill, and the endorphins are still merrily flowing through me. It was the first time I'd been on it in about 3 weeks, becasue I've just been so tired and lacking in energy. But I decided that actually I'd feel better for some exercise, got on for 15 mins, and stayed on for 45!

See, I'm smiling..

Crazy FREAK OUT Week

Monday and Tuesday this week could be summed up in a couple of words. Pain, sleepiness, and lots of eating. I think the eating was mostly cos I thought I was feeling hungry, but then realised it wasn't hunger I was feeling, more an emptiness inside cos I was missing something.

I heard on Monday, from the garage that was holding my car (and not officially from my insurance company - I only got that letter today!) that it was being written off. I actually cried when I heard the news. I also cried when I caught a bit of this Westlife video as I flicked through the TV channels, and when I read this blog post, so I guess I was just feeling really fragile. I mean, come on, crying at WESTLIFE?! That's just wrong.

I arranged with the garage in Cambridge to go and pick up my car on Wednesday. I was just about to leave to drive to Cambridge and I suddenly freaked out. I couldn't breathe properly, I couldn't think straight. My back and neck went really tense, and I just couldn't cope. And then (and it's ok if you laugh, cos I've laughed about it since!) I caught sight of my little fingers and freaked all over again. I guess that they must be thinner with all my weight loss, but all of a sudden I was convinced that they looked too thin and too tiny and was sure that they were going to snap off any second.

I managed to calm myself down a bit, and then literally talked myself step by step to Cambridge. I just said to myself, all you have to do is walk to your car and get in it, and then when I'd done that I just had to drive to the end of the road... to the A406... onto the Motorway... to the next junction, all the way to Cambridge.

I have driven since the accident, so I think that freaking out was because I would have to drive along the road where I had the accident. As I drove around that roundabout I caught sight of where I ended up on the grass verge, and I just thanked God. Because if we'd hit the kerb with even a little bit more force, we wouldn't have stopped on the grass, we'd have ended up in the ditch beyond, and it all could have been a different story. I thank God for keeping up safe.

I drove to Bekki's and then she came with me to the garage to pick up my stuff out of the car and say goodbye to my car. I took some last few photos of it, and then we went for out for lunch. (Bekki and I, not the car ;-) )

On Thursday I had another mini freak-out. It was while I was waiting for the guys to arrive with my hire car, and I think partly just because I didn't have control over what time it would be arriving, and cos it was a totally new situation to me. I couldn't breathe and my back went all tense again. I calmed myself down, by praying and talking to myself, and luckily the car arrived not long after, and it was all fine.

It just seems like I can't deal with anything to do with the car situation at the moment. Letters and forms to fill in did finally arrive from my insurance company today, but I didn't look at them for too long, because it was all just too much information to take it, and I didn't want to have another freak out!

Sightseeing in Cambridge

Sitting in front of King's College, Cambridge.
One of the happier moments during our Bank Holiday trip to Cambridge ;-)

An ode to my car

Or rather, this would be an ode to my car if I were any good at writing odes. What is an ode exactly, anyway?!

Goodbye my little purple car. I'll miss you :-(

These guys tried hard to get us back on the road, but even with the spare put on instead it wasn't fit to go anywhere. Now all I have to do it work out how to explain to the Little One why I've been driving Elly's Car and why we can't go in Debbie's Car anymore.

My car's been written off

I actually cried when I heard the news :-(

A new week's coming...

... and I'm wondering just what curve balls life will throw at me this week.
Expect the unexpected, that's what I say.

I certainly couldn't have predicted the events of the last week, never in a million years of guessing. I was living them, and I still got confused ;-)

Anyone up for a de-lurk?

Now I know that there are a lot of people who read this blog, and don't ever, or hardly ever comment. Several of my real-life friends had admitted that they've been reading and keeping an eye on me, and that's really cool. Cos it makes life easier when I don't have to tell the same story over and over again. But it'd be nice to just have a little more interaction from y'all.
Please don't make me beg...
(Sending a wave to Suz, Sox, Bud, I&G, Jo, Laura, M, and anyone else... just give me a little wave back, please?!)
(And an extra big wave to Estie, how could I have forgotten you?!)

My poor little car

I just rang my insurance company and they say that the garage have assessed it to be a borderline case, and have referred it back to the insurance company. I really like my car, so I'm praying that they won't write it off, and will fix it up for me. I know it's just a car, and people being safe is more important, and all that, but really, I don't need the hassle of having to buy another car right now.

My bad day...

I had a bit of an accident in my car. Was on a roundabout and lost control of the car, and hit the kerb and went up the grass verge. Everyone in the car seemed alright at the time, and my insurance company are dealing with it now.

Please pray
1. That the car can be repaired, and will be quickly, cos I really need my car.

2. That I’m ok. I’m in a lot of pain, but I think it’s mostly old pain. And shock. And the fact that some guy walked right into me really hard when I was walking along the road, which jarred my back. I’m also feeling cold and shaky, but I think it’s mostly just reaction.

3. That I can get right back on track with my eating tomorrow.

The Worst Day in the World, possibly

I don't want to talk about it.

Cambridge in the Rain

If you've ever wanted to see bits of Cambridge in the rain, but not wanted to get wet, then today could be your chance.
I'm off there for the day with a bunch of people from church. I'll take lots of pics and report back later...

Google Referrals

If I got paid for every person that arrives at my site searching either for the lyrics of a particular Bugsy Malone song, or wondering 'how to put on a duvet' I would be a very rich blogger. However, I had this referral on Friday which I would like to answer personally.

They said "what happens if you miss the eurovision song contest tomorrow?"

I say "I would like to suggest that the world will not end if this tragic event does (did) come to pass."
Unfortunately I did not live-blog the events of this year's contest, but if I might be so forward as to suggest you might be able to satisfy your cravings by reading a blow by blow account of last year's contest. These can be found in my May 2007 archives.

God's on my case

This morning we sang this song - 'You never let go' by Matt Redman. And I just had a sudden realisation that God has got a hold of me, he's never ever going to let me go, however rough or tough or hard things get. God is with me right now, going through the pain and the hurt and the despair, and he's going to bring me through it.

But most of all, what I realised is that I WANT TO LIVE. That was the resolve that started in my mind, and settled as a deep yearning desire in the pit of my stomach. I want to stop just existing through this illness, and instead I want to LIVE. To do more than count off the days, but to live them the best way that I can.

I don't know if that really makes sense, but to me it was like the fog and mist and gloom lifted. I suddenly knew that even if I'm still in the pit, in the dark, I'm not on my own. God is here with me, and he can carry me when I can't make it on my own. In fact, I don't even need to try to make it on my own, cos God is always always always with me. So I am gonna get through this mystery illness, and the pain and hurt, but not by anything I can do, but by the power of God's son, and his death on a cross, for me.

Happy un-Birthday to me

Last night I went to a friend's house to watch the Eurovision Song Contest, and to celbrate my birthday. The lovely Rach even made me a birthday cake.
It was a select gathering on people (I think several people had other plans, it being the bank holiday weekend and all), but Rach and I have plans to make next year's Eurovision Song Contest and Debs' Birthday Party a night to remember...

Update

I did go to the doctors today. But it was pretty much a waste of time. It was a doctor I hadn't seen before, who was very dismissive of the whole thing. Listened to my chest for about 2 seconds before saying it was clear. Well, I could hear myself wheezing, so it definitely wasn't right, even if it was clear of infection.

He said the pain would probably go away by itself, and I said, "um, I've been in constant pain for over a week, do you think we could do something to help it go away?! Cos paracetamol ain't touching it, even though I've been taking 6 or 8 a day (max does 8 in 24 hours).

He wouldn't listen when I asked him about other anti-inflamatories, and ended up giving me inuprofen gel to rub on. I was like "HELLO! I'm allergic to ibuprofen!" I don't know if the gel can/will make me wheezy, but I guess I'll find out.

So yeah, it's all great, huh?!

Testing, Testing

I've dropped the kids off at the house of another lady from church, and they'll hopefully enjoy spending the afternoon there with her and her kids, and I get to come home to my house, and possibly/probably go to sleep.

So, I decided today was the day to experiment with delayed posting (or whatever the proper name for it is) when you schedule your posts to appear at a certain time. So this will hopefully appear while I'm sleeping, and I will come back later once I've woken up, and check.

So pretty much, you can just ignore this post. I guess I should have put that disclaimer at the beginning. Oh well, thanks for reading!

Friday Morning

Ok, so in case you've missed the fact that I'm still ill, or are totally distraught that the lack of updates as to my well-being, I'm going to talk all about me for a paragraph or two...

I'm still ill. Still in pain - the same pain that took me to A&E last Thursday (over a week ago). I'm going to ring the doctors in about 10 minutes, when they open, to see if there's any chance of them fitting me in today. Cos Monday is a bank holiday, and it'll be another 3 days until they're open, and when they are there are likely to be many many people trying to get appointments. Cos that's the way it seems to go with doctor's appointments!

I'm allergic to ibuprofen and co-codamol and aspirin, which had left me with paracetamol, and that doesn't seem to do anything for the pain. I was chatting with a friend of mine of facebook the other day, and she's similar to me, in that she's allergic to lots of stuff. Anyway, she's given me the name of an anti-inflammatory that she can take, so I shall take that with me when I go. (And if they can fit me in to have an appointment this morning, then I will also be taking R&D with me. R&D are two children that I'm looking after this morning, because their school is having an INSET day - which stands for something, but basically means that the teachers go in and the kids don't!)

Um, so there you have it. I'm still really really tired. I'm meant to be going out for a meal to celebrate a friend's birthday tonight, but I cancelled it, because I'm also supposed to be going out to a girly evening tomorrow night - to watch the Eurovision Song Contest, and also celebrate my birthday. And I figured if I was going to go out to celebrate a birthday at any point this weekend, it probably ought to be mine that I saved my energy for!

Update: I rang the doctors and they can fit me in this morning. Means I will have to take R&D with me, but still, maybe they'll be able to give me something for the pain.

Making Pumpkin Muffins - new, adapted version*

* The new adapted version bit being to do with having to amuse a 12 month old at the same time. Please be assured that all mess was cleared up at the end of making these muffins.

The events portrayed here took place a couple of weeks ago. Little Flower's Mum needed to get some important work done at home, and while Little One was at playgroup for the morning, Little Flower really needed to be taken out of the way, so I agreed to have her at my house for the morning.

I had also decided that I needed to get on with making pumpkin muffins, and figured that it ought to be possible to do that at the same time, right? I had my can of pumpkin (which had been found in the cupboard of one of Bekki's friends, and had been offered to me as he didn't want it)Unfortunately, Little Flower was having one of those days where all is well, so long as she was being held in my arms. (And even an mad antics didn't seem to improve her mood).Still, I think we got on ok, on the whole. I can, after all, crack eggs one-handed, with either hand, and what other skills could you possibly need to make pumpkin muffins?!

She really wasn't convinced, but did let me put her down when I was having to do things like dealing with the oven. And I did provide her with lots of exciting things to play with.As this picture shows (you can click for a larger version) she had, (from far left, continuing towards us), a towel, a pair of garden shoes, a bottle of juice, a stick previously used for opening paint tins, a fly swatter, a plastic bowl, a set of measuring spoons, a sock (she was wearing the other one still), a plastic cup, an apple (which I removed after she'd thrown it on the floor), a little stall to sit on, and a radio to fiddle with (located on the chair that can just be seen in the foreground on the left) a whole bunch of fridge magnets, and an open washing machine. What more could you possibly want? Oh, and a handful of sultanas, which she liberally scattered all over the room, and I then swept up.

I have to say, we made a great team!

(I appear to have not yet uploaded the photos of the finished product, but I can assure you that they taste delicious. Even the last few I made, when I'd run out of space in the tins, and had to just put the mixture in cake cases there were loose on a baking sheet. The only thing I have to say about those particular few, is that if I ever want to make realistic looking fake dog-do, then I'll know how to do it. They tasted yummy though ;-) )