-9 (28th January 2009)

Written 28th January after taking a pregnancy test. I'd intended to write more letters, but this was the only one I wrote while pregnant.

Dear Baby,

I've wondered for the last couple of weeks whether there was someone growing inside of me, and this morning I saw that blue cross on the test, and knew for sure. Well, pretty sure. I'm going to do another test in a few days and go see my doctor to be sure sure.

I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you. I will do all I can for your good. But, even when at times when I fail, when I let you down, if I make the wrong decisions, there is a God in heaven who will never let you down. I'm excited about the chance to teach you about Him. I know that he holds your life in His hands.

I love you,
your Mummy

wedding dress pics

Since I seem to be going with some blasts from the past, these are photos of me the day we bought my wedding dress in February 2009. I look pretty rough as I was suffering with some pretty nasty morning sickness that day!

life changes forever

I've been looking through my draft posts which I wrote but never posted. I found this one, which was written at a very emotional time. Reading it made me well up with tears, because I know how it turns out. It's like watching a film but already knowing the ending. I know that God is good. I know Sophia and she is a wonderful addition to my life, to our lives. And I'm still trusting God for our future.

written on 28th January, 2009

Today I found out that I'm almost definitely pregnant. Life is about to totally change forever.
I'm a good Christian girl, I've never done anything this big before. Even last year when I was depressed and full of rebellion, I didn't do anything like this. What went wrong?

I guess the answer is, I slipped up. We slipped up. People do it all the time. Every day people make the wrong decision, they do things they shouldn't, just not everyone's mistakes have such big and such direct consequences.

Right from the beginning I knew for certain that if I got pregnant, I would be keeping the baby. I refused to even think about the morning after pill. Well, that's not quite true. I thought about it, I thought about it a lot, but I knew that there was no way that I could sqare that with my conscience. I belive too highly in the sanctity of life. Even at conception, a life is a life. I know that to the very depths of my being.

So, I'm keeping my baby. I have that Madonna song going round in my head. I wonder how I could have been so stupid. And yet, also, there's a part of me that's excited. Scared wittless, but excited. I know that God has good plans for me, for us. All three of us. I know that although we messed up, God forgives. That God can turn all things around for good. And I choose in my heart to belive that. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month. I don't even know if this fragile life within me will reach term - I know how fragile it is, and that not all pregnancys will result in a baby. But, whatever happens, I'm going to trust in God.

Whatever people say, however people treat me, however I'm feeling, I choose to trust in God, because he first chose me.
And I claim these verses for me, and for my baby.
Psalm 139: 13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I had a dream

To really appreciate the funniness of a dream I had last night in the drowsy time I had while feeding Sophia at 2.30am after she woke up with wind, wet and having done a poo (well at least she's multitasking) you need to know two things.

Firstly, lately Menard and I have been watching a lot of the program Grand Designs, where "Kevin McCloud follows self builders in pursuit of architectural brilliance" (I stole that sentence from their summary when you search for them on swagbucks)

Secondly, my house is full of 'value' products from Morrisons, which are all packaged in an attractive bright yellow.

I dreamt that we were building a house, at least I assume that's what we were doing, I just sort of launched into the dream at the point the materials were arriving to cover the roof.

We had piles of black tiles, possibly slate, and they came in packs of ten and packaged in beautiful bright yellow Morrisons value wrapping!

sort of here

Totally meant to blog this evening (Sophia sleeping, Menard out) but I got caught up with swag bucks.

Anyway, um, hello, this is really just one of those mark the page with something posts (like a cat marking his territory?! Hm, maybe not!) I really want to get back to proper blogging soon, so in the meantime go sign up for swag bucks (and if you do it through my referral link, then I'd be extremely grateful!)

I'm back! (again again, or something!)

Hey lovely blog folk, things have been a bit ick around here. We've all got a horrible cold and I've been suffering with these nasty headaches too. I've come to the conclusion that sugar is one of the culprits for the headaches, so I'm doing my best to cut that out of my diet. And that can't be a bad thing when it comes to trying to lose weight either, so I guess that's a good thing.

Oh, but the biggest news around here is that SOPHIA IS WALKING! She started on the Saturday, three days after her birthday, and she's just got better and better since :)

There has to be cake...

She was a bit confused about the concept of blowing out candles rather that trying to touch them, but we got there with a little help from mummy!

Happy First Birthday Sophia!

One year ago our little baby girl arrived and totally roacked our world. How quick time passes!


(I wanted to compare with an up to date photo, but can't find the camera leads. Will post more pics soon, hopefully!)

A quick link

I have been enjoying making chutney and jam lately (homemade Christmas presents here we come...!)
Today I made caramel apple jam, and judging from the taste of the leftover bits stuck to the wooden spoon, it's delicious!

The much awaited Green Tomato Chutney recipe

Last year my friend Danielle made some green tomato chutney and gave me a little jar of it, and it was yummy! I decided that if I ever got the chance I would either steal her entire supply of it, or even better, get the recipe.

This year, thanks to the heat and then the rain, my in laws had a lot of tomatoes that were refusing to turn red. I asked them if I could have some, and they graciously gave me many many of them, and I also had lots of onions my father in law had grown on his allotment. How could it get better than that? Homemade chutney, made with homegrown ingredients.

Danielle duly gave me the recipe, and thanks to the power of google (actually, come to think of it, it was the swag bucks tool bar I used) I was able to search and find the original website the recipe came from. And since I'm a bit lazy I will just give you a link to the yummiest chutney I know. I took some photos when I was making it, but I'm not awake enough at 6.45am to do all that camera/computer/leads malarkey. All I can say is check out the link and try it! Also, it really is worth dicing up the tomatoes and onions - they pretty much stay the size you cut them, and if you cut them too small it'd just be too chunky.

I made 5 jars, one's going to Danielle, one's gone to my in laws, and I may give one to my mum. The other two I'm fiercely guarding. It's just too yummy!