Yesterday I met up with a guy from church to talk about how my life is at the moment, and what I should be doing to get on with my life. As far at the conversation went, it was good. I need to get myself motivated and get on with life. Stop just existing and go back to living. That means finding a job that's more than a couple of days a week, and potentially moving out from home again. (I lived away from home the year after university, but when that job came to an end I had to move back to live with my parents for financial reasons)
But somehow it didn't meet the greater itch. I have lots of stuff inside my head that needs to come out. But I play stupid games like the other person has to ask the right questions before I will let it out. That doesn't work, cos how on earth would they know the right questions to ask anyway?! And all that does is leave me hating myself even more and feeling even worse. It's a no win situation. And I'm sick of playing games. I'm gonna try to be real about how I'm feeling, if anyone cares enough to ask.