List writer extrordinaire

As anyone who knows me could probably tell you, I love writing lists. I am a list writer. Whether it's a shopping list, or a to-do list, or a packing list, I love it. There's something about taking a fresh piece of paper, and a pen, and organising thoughts into a logical process.

Some of my lists have become famous, or at least immortalised, within our family. There's my shopping list, which is a tick box sheet of things that we regularly buy, laid out roughly in the order that you encounter each product as you go round the store. It's saved on the computer, so every couple of weeks my dad prints out a few more, and they sit on top of the freezer. That way as soon as someone thinks of something that needs to be bought, they can tick off the item, and when my mum goes shopping, she knows at a glance what needs to be bought. I think I need to steal or reinvent the list for me and Menard to use too, cos it is a handy way of keeping track of the fact you're out of beans or sugar or soy sauce, without having to make sure you tell everyone verbally six times.

Then there's the holiday list. It started off as pen on paper, but later also got transferred to the computer. It was the list we'd use as a reference point when we packed to go on summer holiday together (so again, I'm talking about me and my sisters and parents). Each year I'd update it, taking into account the location we'd be staying, and for how long, and all those sorts of things, but the basic backbone of the list remained the same.

So yes, I love writing lists. I wrote lists for my wedding, I wrote lists for HP's wedding. I even wrote a list for HP (or rather in consultation with her) to help her know what to pack to take on her honeymoon.

I've said all that to ponder the question, why have I not made any physical lists to do with having Tiny? Sure, there are many lists going round in my head all the time. Things like what we need to buy/make/get ready for Tiny's arrival, what I need to get for me before Tiny arrives, what I need to take in my hospital bag, even what to put on a birth plan etc etc. But I've yet to actually put pen to paper on any of these.

I think part of the problem is that I am the sort of person that does things at the last minute. All my best essays at university were written as all-nighters the night or two nights before they were due in (as were my worst pieces of work, but for the sake of argument we'll just talk about the good stuff!). Our wedding was planned in two and a half weeks, we had to just get on and do it, and we did. But, the thing about Tiny's arrival is that it could happen tomorrow (or even today, although it seems doubtful, given that I haven't really noticed my bump drop, which suggest Tiny isn't very engaged as yet), but it could also not happen for another month. Babies are considered to be full term when born any time between 37 weeks and 42 weeks. Yesterday I hit the 37 week mark, which means the end's in sight, but it's not near enough in sight to motivate me to write lists!

I can't cope with the anticipation. Tiny may be born this week, it may be another few weeks. I don't know. And the not-knowing stalls me into inaction. It's almost as though once I've done something, like pack my bag for hospital, I won't have anything left to do. So I don't do it, cos that means I can still have something on my mental to-do list. However, I can't leave everything until I'm in labour, which means I need to take myself in hand. Which means actually writing some lists. The most obvious of those lists that need to be written at the moment is knowing what to pack in my hospital bag. I've got several different suggestion lists from a number of sources, and I plan to consult those, but I'd also like those of you who've ever been there and done that with the whole giving birth thing to weigh in with your suggestions. Pretty please!

Also, as a slight aside, I look at some of the lists and think "heck, that's a lot of stuff", so I'd also like to know what you actually packed your stuff in. Is this a pull out the holiday suitcase type of event, or a couple of rucksacks, or what? (I know at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what you take and what you take it in, it'll just be comforting to me to know what other people have done!)

Oh, and yeah, it appears I'm blogging again. I have got some belly pics from the course of the pregnancy that I want to share at some point, but I really need to upload stuff from my camera - it currently still has photos from our wedding way back in April on it, not to mention all the other stuff that's happened since!

Back to work AGAIN

Tomorrow school starts again and I have to go back to work. I have no idea where I'm gonna find the energy to survive it, but at least I only have to do 7 days of it, and then I'm off on maternity leave.
Being realistic, I'm likely to be scarce around here again for a bit, but I'll be back again once I'm done, hopefully!

Hey

It's just struck home to me that after all these years reading Mum/Mom blogs, I am a blogger who's going to be a Mum! Ok, so talk about stating the obvious, but remember this is the girl who can freak herself out by forgetting that she's pregnant when she wakes up in the night, and then get a shock catching sight of the BUMP* in the mirror.

I'm still working on what exactly I'll be sharing on here. It's one thing blogging about myself, it's another blogging about others like Menard and Tiny. I don't think I've crossed the line yet, but I'd also rather stay the right side of the line, while also sharing with the many many friends I've made in the blogging and online world. It's a tough one, so bear with me!

* written not in capital letters just didn't convey the size of the bump well enough, hence BUMP!

The afternoon nap

is here to stay.

My husband knows me more than I'd sometimes like to admit. Especially when it involves his saying words like "Debs, go have a lie down, you know you're tired". Somehow those words desperately make me want to fight against sleep, to stay awake to prove my point, that I'm right, and no, it's not tiredness that's made me go all grumpy and slightly spaced out, and just sit in the chair and stare into space and.... But he is right. He's so right. And for the last two days I've reluctantly admitted that, and gone to lie down. And today I didn't wake up for another two and a half hours. I really did need that nap!

I have no idea how I'll survive going back to work this week. School starts again on Thursday, and I'm working until the following Friday (so seven days). I've already warned Menard that I'll probably be horrible to live with, and that I imagine it'll be similar to when I started the job - I cam home and went to bed, my parents woke me for dinner, and then I went to bed again! I have a feeling he's going to be taking a lot of the household load for the next couple of weeks, but I guess it's good practice for when Tiny's here.

A history of cravings

The first was burgers. Not just any old burgers, mind you, none of that McDonalds or Burger King ickyness with all their weird extras like mayonnaise. No, preferably a barbecued burger, in a bun, with plenty of fried onions, and nothing else.

Next came chocolate spread. I couldn't get enough of the stuff. I think I killed that craving when I bought the biggest jar of nutella I could find. There's nothing like having a large amount available to kill your craving. I am, however, still addicted to most things chocolaty.

Around this time I also had a brief flirtation with fruit. I'd sit with my chopping board, knife, and a big bowl right next to the fruit bowl, and chop up at least one of everything in there, and then crunch and munch my way through the lot.

Next came the one that most people probably know about - ritz crackers and cheddar cheese. This has probably lasted the longest of my cravings, but I think I'm finally over it as I sat down with a little pile of them the other day, and didn't even make it through the initial pile (whereas previously I could easily go back for a second or third helping).

At some point jelly babies also became a particular favourite. I wasn't fussy, the supermarket own brand ones were almost as good as the original Bassets jelly babies, although I think the Sainsbury's one tasted better than Tesco's. It was probably the Tesco's ones that put me off them again. I could still happily eat a jelly baby or two if they were offered to me, but I would no longer want to scoff the whole bowl.

And now, with only a few weeks to go, I'm back on the fruit and veg kick. That's partly cos I woke up the other day with an ulcer on my tongue, and realised I hadn't eaten much fruit and veg for a few days, and that I was feeling a little run down. It's also connected to me finally finding counter space for our new juicer to stay out, and not have to be put away and then taken out again anytime you want to use it. So whether this is strictly a craving, or just me attempting to get my diet back on track a little, I reckon I'll be sticking with the fruit and veg for a while. Or I will be once I've stocked up again - right now there's only one apple in the fruit bowl, and quite a lot of carrots slowly dying in the fridge. Time to go shopping, methinks.

This post is powered

by very little sleep, and I actually feel quite woozy. However, I'm determined to meet up with my friend Hayley in town for an hour or so. Once I get home I'll be heading right back to bed.
Hopefully at some point soon I will find time to be at home and not asleep, or sleepy, but actually write something proper on here. No promises though, or only that I'll be back eventually. Sorry!

Sneak preview

Wedding went well. Still recovering from all the excitement. This is me and Tiny in the bridesmaid outfit I wore. On Saturday I was 32 weeks and 4 days, I think.
More to follow once life's calmed down a bit.

Hey everyone

We haven't had internet in my house since Friday (we need to buy a top-up voucher) and HP & Steve are getting married on Saturday. A combination of those two factors have kept me away. However, once this weekend is out the way, I'll be back, I promise!

31 weeks and other ramblings

I'm 31 weeks pregnant. That's scary. It's gone so fast. I've been pregnant all year (literally), and so many things have been squeezed into that year. It's funny how time can do that - feel slow and yet fast all at once.
So far this year I've started a new job, got married, moved into a new flat, and lots of other more minor events too. In less than two weeks HP will be getting married, and within 12 months of my getting married, Bekki will be too. That's a lot of events for one family.

I have a master list for things that I want/need to do before the baby arrives. And I've even managed to tick off a few things (fix in tax return, finally request for our wedding gift vouchers to be posted to us..), but the problem is I keep thinking of other things that need to go on the list. I guess as long I keep tackling, and put some fun things on there too, it'll hopefully all get done in the end.

I'm so not ready for this baby to arrive, and yet at other times I feel I'm just ready for it to come out now. Tiny's been 'cooking' so long, surely it must be nearly ready?! I'm also looking forward to not having to empty my bladder so often at night time, and not needing six million pillows to get me even a little bit comfortable. I'm definitely looking forward to meeting Tiny in person.

The example of Mary

Now I have no intention of turning this into a superspiritual "I've got all the answers" type of blog, cos, well, for a start, I certainly don't have all the answers, and there's nothing worse than pretending that you do, if you don't.

(Brief sidenote, I think doing better and getting there with my recovery from swine flu, however, I'm also aware that it seems to have brought out the rambling 'write extra long sentences' side of me. So if you find yourself losing the plot of what I'm trying to say, it's probably because I've gone off on a ramble rather than any fault on the your part).

Anyway, what I am trying to share with you all is some of the thoughts I had on Thursday night when M and I were reading the beginning of the gospel of Luke. The gospel starts off with Luke explaining why he wrote it. I know I've read that before, but it struck me again what a logical person Luke was. He set out to write the book in a way that was logical, that followed through and didn't jump about, and I really like that. It's the way that I try to be when I'm writing. Ok, so with all this ramble it can be hard to see that, but I do generally have a rough idea of where I'm headed and the logic behind it. Honest! Although actually, I wasn't going to write that paragraph about Luke, it just happened, so maybe I've still got a thing or two to learn from Luke.

Next Luke writes about Elizabeth and Zechariah, the parents of John the Baptist. M and I also discussed quite a bit about John the Baptist, and what he was like, and how he got his following, and things like that, but again, I'm not intending to stop and talk about him for long either. (See the title of this post, and you'll hopefully see where I'm trying to go).

Thirdly, Luke writes about Mary. Now, the funny thing is that we didn't actually read this bit, or not to start with. We read up until about verse 25, and it's in the next verse that it starts talking about Mary. However, we have a slight advantage, since we know how the story goes, and I admit I'm the sort of reader whose eyes slight further down the page to take a peek at what's coming next. Hm, I'm rambling, let's start a new paragraph.

Verse 26 starts with telling us that the following events (Mary being visited by an angel) took place in the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, and I thought "hey, that's like me". We started talking about what it would have been like to be pregnant back then, and boy was it different. (I've just been thinking on that even more as I type, and there are more differences than I can even begin to list, but I'm trying hard not to get distracted).

At first I was thinking that Elizabeth went to visit Mary, and was sympathising at what that must have been like, after all the roads weren't necessarily very good, so it meant travelling by foot or donkey, or something similar, and judging by how tired I've been recently (swine flu aside) it would have tough. Then I realised that I'd actually misread, and that Mary was the one to visit Elizabeth, and that seemed fairer. Until I thought back on my first days of pregnancy, the ones filled with constant nausea and so much tiredness. In the early days of my pregnancy and new job I used to come home from work and go to sleep, my parents would wake me for dinner, and then I'd go back to bed. Choosing to travel anywhere would not have been on the top of my priority list.

Actually, I did travel to Cambridge for the day with my Mum early on in the pregnancy, and I can still remember now quite how dreadful I felt. We stopped halfway there (halfway through a one hour journey!) because I thought I would be sick, and when we actually arrived in Cambridge I was horribly and terribly sick. To cut a long thought short, travelling at the stage of my pregnancy was not fun, and I can't imagine it was much fun for Mary, however long the actually journey was for her.

And then, fast forward towards the end of Mary's pregnancy. Again, we were cheating a little, cos this doesn't happen until chapter two, but it was just a natural continuation of our discussion. Mary has to go with Joseph to Bethlehem to take part in a giant census of the Roman Empire. Now, looking at my life again for a second, I know that M and I decided we'd be decline the invitation to one of the weddings we were meant to be going to this summer, because it's so far away and would mean a lot of travelling. And that would only have been when I was 7 months pregnant, and was really only a few hours either way in a car. It could have been do-able if we'd really tried, we just decided we needed to be sensible (given that the following two weekends after that we have family weddings to attend).

I can imagine that if I were Mary, and my pregnancy was getting on a bit I would have begged Joseph to let me stay at home, while he filled in the census for me. Ok, so I'm a bit shaky on whether that would have actually been possible, but still, I'd have given it a go. (As my friend Danielle is often reminding me, there's only so long you can actually use the excuse "I'm pregnant", so you have to make the most of it!). But no, there's no mention of any sort of moaning or discontent from Mary, she just gets on her donkey, and off they go.

Mary amazes me, through all stages of her pregnancy we see her happy and rejoicing, willing to do as God asks her. Ok, so we don't get to read her pregnancy diary, but Luke still paints a pretty good picture of her. (And he was a doctor, so presumably had an inkling into what it would be like for a woman who was pregnant at that time). As M pointed out, think of all those pregnancy hormones raging through her body. I think M is just about getting used to me and my tears, tears which can fall that the slightest provocation, but I'm sure I don't always make it easy for him to live with me. I get fed up with all my crying sometimes, and I know he does.

But Mary faithfully followed God's plan for her. By travelling to Bethlehem and giving birth there, Jesus' birth was fulfilling prophecies made about it years beforehand. I wonder how much of that she realised at the time, or whether it was more of a blind faith. These are questions I guess I'll never know the answer to, or at least not on this earth, but this I do know, my present circumstances have given me a little more insight into Mary's life, and also a lot more respect for her, and the role she played in giving birth to, and raising Jesus. Here's to Mary.

Recovering from Swine Flu

It all started last Saturday evening. We waved goodbye to the friends who'd come over to dinner, and within about 15 minutes I had a horrible stomach ache, and the (seemingly endless) digestive issues had begun. (Trying to be as delicate as I can about this!).

I didn't sleep at all well that night, what with several visits to the bathroom, and the high fever which made me believe that I was two trays of fairy cakes (aka cupcakes) which were topped with squirty cream. I had to stay totally still and not move a muscle or else the cream would collapse, and that would be the end of the world. (It all felt very logical at the time).

On Sunday I spent much of the day in the state of gentle delirium, and sweating out the fever with the help of paracetamol. By the end of the day I was running out of clean pyjamas, and I'd also had a long and in depth conversation with my teddy bear. (Again, it felt perfectly logical at the time, and I wasn't really aware that I was doing it). We rang the out of hours doctor in the afternoon, and after a number of calls I was rung by a doctor who after listening to be symptoms told me that it pretty much sounded like swine flu, and since I'm pregnant and an asthmatic they would put me on the medication for swine flu. I wasn't given tami flu, instead I had relenza (think that's how it was spelt) which is an inhaled alternative, and would not cross the placenta line to the baby. I sent out my flu buddy, aka my husband, to pick up the drugs for me, and stayed in bed. I think that evening I did make it out to the sofa (with a duvet) to watch some TV, but that's about the extent of my movements, apart from regular trips to the bathroom.

By Monday I was feeling pretty weak and feeble, well, I should say still weak and feeble, as I'd been feeling like that all the previous day. M had to go to work, but my friend Danielle popped around to see me, as did my Mummy. I think I may have tried eating a piece of toast at some point that day, but it didn't stay in me very long.

By Tuesday my temperature seemed to be back to normal, but I was very weak and woozy from the lack of food. That day and the next passed in a blur of watching television, trying to keep up with the fluids, trips to the bathroom (do you sense a theme?!) and naps.

Thursday, hm, that was yesterday. I was feeling well enough to strip the bed and wash the bedclothes and a bunch of towels on hot washes. I also ran the dishwasher and went round cleaning all the handles in the house with my dettol (anti-bacterial) spray. After that I collapsed in a heap. I managed to ate a few pieces of dry toast, and had some mashed sweet potato in the evening. My stomach had a mini-relapse, but I told it not to be such a sissy, and persevered with eating (but only small small amounts of bland things, aka dry toast). I considered getting dressed, but never quite made it.

Today is Friday. I woke up having slept reasonably well, and with no nocturnal tummy pains, which was the first time in days. It's now half eleven and so far today I've accomplished putting in a load of washing, eating some toast, and sitting at the computer for a couple of hours (oops!). This is the third post I've written (one of them will auto-post tomorrow). After I've finished writing this I will probably either take a nap, or at the least go lie on the sofa and stick the telly on. My stomach's been behaving pretty well so far, but my cough lingers on, and it feels like it's got the potential to get worse (meaning I'm a little bit wheezy, so I'm keeping an eye on my asthma), and I'm really tired and worn out, but other than that things seem to be looking up. My aim for the day is to have a shower and actually get dressed at some point. And probably go outside at some point - I haven't been out of the front door since Saturday.

Rach asked what were my symptoms. In brief they were stomach pain and diarrhea, headache, high temperature, cough, and at some points a sore throat. Although they're no longer testing to see conclusively if people have swine flu, I'm pretty convinced that that's what it was.

Sidebar links

I've been updating my links. I wasn't actually using several of the links anymore (due to lack of time online, blogs not existing anymore etc etc) so I've deleted a bunch of them. A few more may go, but I didn't want to be too ruthless and then regret it. So far I've only added one new link, one I found today. It's a blog I actually only found today, called Bake at 350, but I'd found it by such a circular route, and I loved the look of it, that I figured I might not find it again unless I added it to my blogroll.
(Remember that for a girl who's pretty much eaten nothing but dry toast, if anything, for nearly a week, the pictures on that blog were pretty attractive!!)

I'm recovering from swine flu

and I've run out of pre-written auto-posted posts. So there may not be much on here for a day or two.
I'll be back when I'm better.
Oh, and Tiny waves hello. He's been kicking up a storm the last few days, which is great, but for the fact that it doesn't go well with belly ache and digestion problems!

The joys of third trimester grocery shopping

The bump is at the exact same level as the handle of the shopping trolley. Pushing the trolley with your belly works when you have a squishy fat belly, not so well when you have a firm pregnant belly.
(Incidentally, the bump is also at the same level as our bathroom sink. I've given up on trying to get any sort of lean in close-up look at my face for the rest of the duration)

Reaching up for items from the top shelf is increasingly difficult. Being a tall person, I've always been the one helping others out. I think I may have to start asking for help myself as these last couple of months progress.

Reaching for items off the bottom shelves is even worse. My left hip is hurting for some reason, and of course there's the back ache too. It's still just about possible to get down there, but I may soon just give up and cook meals according to what can be purchased from the middle shelves.

Going shopping while hungry is a huge mistake. This is a mistake when you're not pregnant, but I'm one of those "I'm hungry and I need to eat NOW" sort of pregnant people, and the resulting impulse buys are adding up.

Writing a list is always a good idea. There will always be impulse buys, but writing a list helps to eliminate some of those. And, more importantly, writing a list helps increase the likelihood that I will come home with that item. This is not totally fail-safe, for example last week I'd managed to lose the list before I'd even done have the shop. However, if you don't write something on the list, it's pretty certain that that item will be forgotten.

Pregnancy Brain

On Friday I was looking forward to going to the housewarming barbecue of a friend of ours. On my way home from school I stopped at the supermarket to buy some sausages, lemonade, and a couple of ingredients I needed to make little cakes. When I got home I immediately got going with baking fairy cakes, so that they'd have a time to cool and I could ice them before we went out.

I spent some quality time with Menard and then iced my cakes. I showered and put on my favourite maternity dress. My friend arrived, and we finished setting off and got into her car - M wasn't coming because he had a training meeting at church to go to. We followed the directions I'd written down from the invitation on facebook, and we made it to the house. It was pouring with rain, but we managed to park right outside the house. We commented on the lack of cars, but figured it was because we were still fairly early, and that the rain might have put people off. (I knew that the guy has a garage, and had told us he'd be barbecuing in there if it was raining, so we knew it wouldn't be called off).

We got out of the car and went to ring the bell. I had the box of cakes and my lovely friend had the sausages and lemonade. We stood there for a while, wondering where everyone was. No one came to the door and we rang again. I think I commented that maybe he couldn't hear us if he was out tending the barbecue.

We stood there a bit longer and it began to dawn on me that no one was in. That maybe we'd made a mistake. I stopped and thought and it occurred to me that actually I had a feeling the date on facebook was a number in the 20s, and although I'm not very good at keeping track of the date at the moment, I know that school breaks up on the 22nd. I admitted to my friend that I might possibly have the date wrong.

We got back into the car and I tried to call a couple of people to confirm the date. I couldn't actually get hold of anyone who could tell me the date, but it was becoming more and more likely that I'd made a mistake. At this point I must stop and admit that my friend hadn't actually had a chance to look at the invite on facebook, so was just following my information, therefore it was entirely my fault that we'd turned up at the barbecue a week early. Once we'd begun to admit to ourselves that I must have got it wrong, we couldn't stop laughing. The fact that I'd even baked cakes and got a bit dressed up just added to the hilarity.

Having driven back to my house we looked up the event on facebook, and it is indeed taking place on the 24th. We cooked the sausages and had sausage sandwiches followed by fairy cakes and accompanied by lemonade for dinner. They were very good.

My excuse for the entire occurrence is 'Pregnancy Brain', and that's all I have to say about that!

28/4

Not the best photos in the world, but might satisfy a little of the demands for bump pics!
Side viewFront viewM decided we needed a close up!

Life as an ex-fat now pregnant person

I don't think I realised quite how hard mentally I would find being pregnant. It's getting my head around getting fat again that I'm finding really hard. I've got the hang of the wacky hormones - I know that I'm liable to cry at just about anything, especially when I'm upset (and poor M is getting to grips with that too!) and I can't read half the articles in my pregnancy magazines without welling up with tears, but that's ok.

But what I don't think I've got the hang of is the fact that my body is changing, and changing in ways that I can't control. Before I got pregnant I had put some weight back on, partly from the bad sprain I did to my ankle last summer and the lack of exercise, and partly from slipping into bad habits. But I felt like I could still control it, I could get the weight back off if I put my head and heart into it. But now this bump is here and growing, and it's not going to get any smaller until after the baby is born.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I love the baby bump that I see. It feels good. Other times I look in the mirror and I just can't quite deal with the fact that my tummy is getting huge. I was weighed the other day when I registered with a new doctor, and I've put on about 20lb in 28 weeks (well, actually in about 20, since my booking in appointment, but anyway). I couldn't really get my head around whether that was good or not. On one hand it was less that I was expecting, on the other it sounded a huge amount. I did read in a book about pregnancy that on average people put on about 20lb in that same period, which was comforting, but I also know that I wasn't necessarily 'average' before I got pregnant.

What I need to do is accept the situation and live with it. I can work on eating more healthily and try to exercise more, but I can't really change the situation. Besides, I am pregnant and you put on weight when you're pregnant. There's a baby growing inside of me, and since it's getting bigger, my stomach will be getting bigger too.

I guess at the end of the day I'm probably always going to have issues with food on some level or other. I'm working on my self image, and it has improved beyond measure, but it's still unstable at times. I need to accept that I am growing a baby, and that that is a beautiful thing to be doing. There's a life developing inside of me, and it's really exciting. I'm sure I'll continue to freak out about it at times, but at least I'm aware of my potential to do that!

Bits and Pieces

Our bathroom appears to be the location of the Ant Convention this year. We have a regular attendance of regular ants, with guest appearances of flying ants for the past two days.

I only have three more days of work left before the summer holiday. (And only ten in total before I go on maternity leave).

This evening I gave a beautiful performance of the results of pregnancy on my brain. The story may be blogged in full at a later date.

I would have taken some photos this evening, but M is out and I don't know the code to log on to his I-Phone! (Since I still haven't configured my camera with this computer, I decided that would be the easiest way to get photos online). Maybe when he gets home from a meeting I'll have a go.

I'm really tired. I don't know if it's how I've been sleeping, or just that it's nearly the end of term. I've had bizarre but vivid dreams the last couple of nights. Yesterday I woke up feeling really mad at M, and told me a while to realise that it was for something that he'd done in my dream. Last night I forgot I even had a husband, until I suddenly remembered and was trying to figure out where on earth he was when I woke up.

Today

I'm 28/3
It's getting closer....

PS I have another long post to write, I'm just too sleepy to write it now (this was written ahead of time and set to post automatically by the wonders of the internet!)

Baby Names

So far it's safe to say that we don't really have a clue what we want to name this baby. If it's a boy he'll be given his Daddy's name as a middle name (since it's a family name which has been handed down a few generations), and we have a couple of vague girl name ideas, but other than that, we ain't got a clue!
Let's have a little reader poll...
(If you have children) How did you chose what to name your children? Did you look at things like meanings?
What's are your favourite names?
Do you think I'm having a boy or a girl? (Just thought I'd throw that out there, just for fun!)

Things WILL never be the same again

but I think I can deal with that.

If you'd told me a year ago what changes would be happening in the next 12 months I'd probably first of all laughed, then maybe cried, and finally probably totally freaked out. Those of you who know me in person probably know that a year ago it certainly didn't look like M and I would get things back together, my health was still causing me lots of problems, and I was pretty depressed.

I am so glad about the changes that have taken place, and I thank God all the time for how my life is shaping out. But I still have a mini freak out about it every once in a while. A couple of weeks back I went up to Cambridge to help Bekki to do some packing ready to move house. That night when I got home I had a big old sobbing crying freak out on my husband. It just felt like everything was changing in my life, and I needed the rest of my family to stay the same, but instead of doing that they were getting married, and getting engaged and all sorts of other life-changing events. I really wasn't trying to deny them their happiness, it just felt like I needed a little bit of stability, something to stay the same, and instead everything was changing, and changing BIG TIME.

I am happy for Hannah & Steve and Bekki & Rob, I really am. I love marriage. It's been just over 3 months for me and M, and I can't imagine anything else. It feels so natural, so right and so normal. I think it just continues to dawn on me, as and when things like this happen, that life doesn't stop. It goes on changing and evolving, families grow and develop, relationships change, things will never be the same again. But, and it's a big but, change doesn't have to be bad. It'll be exciting and different and at times downright scary, and I'm certain I'll have some more freak outs over the next couple of months. But, deep down inside, where it really matters, I know it's gonna be ok. God is good, and I can trust Him to never change. My foundation is secure, and I'm keeping my eyes on him. But keep the tissues handy, cos I'm sure I'll continue to need 'em.

My life is good

I've had a lovely weekend spending quality time with my wonderful husband. I don't want it to end, but tomorrow will come whether we want it to or not! I have to go back to work tomorrow, but it's not long now until we break up for the summer, 8 days in fact. And since I only will only go back for 7 days in September before stopping to go on maternity leave, the countdown to stopping work really had begun. (Of course, I'm going to have to go back at some point, but I'm trying not to think about that too much at the moment).

My ankle is mostly better. I'm still trying to take it gently, and it's probably not got quite the mobility and flexibility of the other ankle, but hopefully it'll heal up 100% soon. My bump is definitely getting bigger and affecting my sense of balance, but I'm doing my best to keep safe!

I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant. So going into the final three months. It's scary but exciting all at the same time. I'll get M to take some more bump photos for the blog soon!

Oops I did it again...

... last night I tripped over my own feet and twisted/sprained my left ankle. (One day I'm gonna learn what the difference is between a twist and a sprain. Or maybe I won't).
No yucky pics this time, I promise. For one thing it's nowhere near as bad as last time, or at least it hasn't started going all the pretty colours that it did last time.

I'm also sneezing lots. Think that's to do with helping Bekki pack up her stuff on Thursday (she moved house today. We were meant to help, but had to cry off cos of the ankle) and all the pollen. Hopefully it'll calm down again soon.

I'll have to take some more bump pics soon. I'm doing ok though, I guess. The last week of heatwave has totally wiped me out. Hopefully I'll catch up on my sleep in the next few days.

Go read

Bekki's news

Oh, and in other news. It is HOT here, I ache all over - combination of not sleeping properly and all the tossing and turning I've been doing. And everyone keeps telling me that my bump got HUGE.

I think I've turned into one of those baby bores

I sometimes feel like at the moment all I can talk about is being pregnant, babies, and things like the need to wee at all hours of the night and day. I guess I'm conscious of the fact that I'm one of the first people in my group of friends to be pregnant, and I'm sure they must get bored of me talking like that. But it's almost like the words come out of my mouth before I have a chance to filter them!

So what else is going on in my life, other than baby stuff? I'm enjoying work, but looking forward to the summer holiday - about 4 weeks to go, I believe. My little sister is getting married in the summer, and my big sister also has some exciting stuff going on in her life at the moment. I am still loving being married, and it feels like we've been married forever, but in a good way! Last night we had a barbecue, which involved my wonderful husband tending the barbecue while standing under a golfing umbrella in a thunder storm!

Bump pics - 24 weeks

I feel huge. And it's only going to get bigger! To put these photos into perspective, and I feel I need to, this is a top I bought when I was in the States last year, and which I had slimmed out of - in fact, it swamped me. Now, however, it's fitting pretty snugly again over the bump!

An update from Tiny

Mummy's got to that "I feel and look very pregnant, and I've had enough. Shame there's over 3 more months of this" stage, so she's asked me to write an update.

I'm happily kicking away most days and nights, and recently discovered that kicking Mummy's ribcage provides me with endless amusement. I'm still enjoying my cheese and crackers, but a slightly old and bendy specimen put me off carrots for a while. Or maybe it's just that Mummy remembered that she doesn't really like raw carrots, and wonders how she managed to eat 5 in one day.

I heard Mummy say yesterday that she felt hot, big, tired and grouchy, and it seems like these may be sentiments that will last, especially if the hot and muggy weather continues. I'm happy in here, but apparently weather out there is a lot more changeable than in here.

Mummy wants to go take a nap now, so I'd better go. I'm sure I'll be back again soon especially if Mummy continues to be brain dead. (She blames me for keeping her awake at night, but all I want to do is play)

All About Tiny

Tiny is coming up for 24 weeks old. Tiny weighs more than a pound and a half and is about eight and a half inches long from crown to rump.

This week Mummy's bump has definitely 'popped' causing lots of people to comment on how pregnant she looks all of a sudden, and yet still allowing for some people to think she doesn't look very pregnant yet ("It's your height, you carry it well and it hides the fact your pregnant". Causing Mummy to wonder if people just think she got fat again).

Tiny may be a boy or a girl, according to a number of old wives tales - bump size and position, Mummy's cravings, and a whole lot more!

Tiny has reduced Mummy's wardrobe to a bare minimum, but Grandma took Mummy shopping last week and found a few nice maternity tops in Mothercare. Mummy has also been given some maternity clothes from a friend at church, which which she is very grateful.

Tiny has a number of nicknames including Tiny, mini-me, baby bump. Tiny's Mummy and Daddy have a few names up their sleeves for when Tiny is born, but nothing set in stone as yet. They think that meeting Tiny in person will help clear up that decision (aside from the fact that obviously they want to give Tiny a gender appropriate name, they also want to get to know Tiny a little more and discover a little more of Tiny's personality).

Tiny's Favourite hobbies
* Bouncing around on Mummy's bladder.
* Causing Mummy to have heartburn.
* Kicking and moving around to wake Mummy up in the middle of the night.
* Causing Mummy to completely forget things like sending birthday cards, what she went into a room for, and for words to totally escape her on occasion.
* Listening to Daddy talking to me and kissing Mummy's bump.

Tiny's Favourite foods
* Burger in a bun, with fried onions.
* Ritz biscuits with cheddar cheese.
* Anything chocolatey.

sleepy sleepy

My baby is a nocturnal footballer.
That is all I have the brain power to say at the moment.

(yes, I know I need to get used to it, and it's good practice for the future etc etc!)

not dead

just busy living life. And having issues with internet connection. Probably won't be sorted out for another week.

Sunshine

I'm on half term, which means I have a week off work. Hurrah!
My husband unfortunately doesn't get the week off, but he was off yesterday as it was may bank holiday. We had a lovely long weekend and lots of time in the sun enjoying ourselves. We've been to the park, and to Forty Hall, had a bbq, spent time with both our families, and watched some telly.

For the rest of the week I'm planning to spend some time catching up with some friends, and generally chilling out and not thinking about work. Lovely.

New post

on my other blog. It's more related to weight and shape and stuff like that, so I posted it over there, but go take a look if you want to.

'Evaluating the boundaries'

or 'what do i blog for?'

It feels like I'm not really putting much content into my posts at the moment. I guess one of the main reasons behind that is that I'm mentally creating new boundaries about what is appropriate to blog. I'm newly married, I'm having a baby in October. Those things aren't a secret, but some of the day to day stuff is. Or if not a secret, more that it's personal, that it's not just about me, I live with someone else. More and more of my normal day to day stories are likely to include that person, and I don't want to push the boundaries of what to share and what to keep personal.

I want to keep blogging. I blog for lots of reasons. I blog because sometimes I just want to write. I blog to share news and information with friends - people I know in person, and friends that I've made online. I blog because blogging has become a part of my life. But, I don't want blogging to be my life. I don't want my blog to get in the way of my relationship with my husband. I don't want blogging to be something that pushes people I love away because they can't trust me to not write certain things about them.

So, while I try to figure out where the balance is, my posts may be a little shorter and less full than they might have been in the past. But one thing I know for sure is that for the moment, I will keep blogging.

We didn't win

or rather the UK didn't win, but they did a lot better than last years entry, and came fifth, I believe.

Anyway, all of that is hardly the point. The most important thing is that we got together, some of us dressed up, we had yummy food, and lots and lots of fun. Life is good :)

Tomorrow I've got my 20 week scan. M is coming too, and I'm very excited.

Saturday night

is party time.

The time for girls to get together, eat yummy food, dress up in funny costumes, watch Eurovision and celebrate my birthday. (My husband is taking himself elsewhere for the evening!)

I'm really looking forward to it.

I downloaded firefox

Finally I can open multiple tabs at once and chat on facebook. How could life be better? (You don't have to answer that!)

Sunday

We've had lots of people over for lunch today, and now our fridge and cupboards are full of yumminess! We had a 'bring and share' and I cooked chili con carne and rice. Everyone brought lots of food, so there were lots of leftovers.

I'm sleepy now, but things are pretty much tidied up, so we can just chill for the rest of the day.

Girls just wanna have fun

I had fun on the farm. Of course I've been sneezing and streaming ever since, and my eczema got a bit worse too, but I think it was worth it.

This afternoon I've been baking fairy cakes, cooking chili con carne, and singing along to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack at the top of my voice. What funner way to spend an afternoon?

I really need to get back into the habit of taking photos. And once I've got back into that habit I need to sort out with my hubby how to get photos off my camera and onto this computer, and then I'll be able to start posting them again. It feels ages since I posted any pictures (although I guess it's just ages since I posted anything much!)

Bits and pieces

I'm going to a farm tomorrow. I'm very excited. Actually, it's a school trip with one of the classes I work with, but I'm probably just as excited, if not more excited than the kids!
For a start, it's a trip. To a farm. How could that not be exciting?
Secondly, it means that we get a day out of the school building and the normal routine. That's the second one of those we've had this week (including bank holiday Monday)
Thirdly, well, I may have run out of reasons, but I think the ones I've already stated were good ones.

Tomorrow I'll probably see pigs, but that thought didn't stop me enjoying the yummy roast pork that my hubby cooked me for dinner. (Yes, he cooks. And cleans. No, you can't have him, he's mine)

This weekend we're having lots of people from church over for lunch (well, it's a bring and share type thing,but based at and around our flat). I've been counting the plates and cutlery to see if we have anywhere near enough. I think I may ask a friend to bring some of hers over. We have some more plates and other exciting things arriving tomorrow, because our wedding gifts from our John Lewis list will be arriving. should be fun unpacking and finding homes for it all. We've spent the last month saying "well, there's one on the list so it's not really worth buying another one" and surviving with what we've got, such as our really tiny frying pan (Thanks Lousie for giving it to us, it's been used pretty much daily ever since!)

I failed to think of a proper title for this post

The thing about not blogging for a month is working out what to write once one does start blogging again. Do I attempt to summarise the last however long since I last posted, or just pretend that there wasn't a gap, and begin with something random, as if nothing else had happened.

I guess the answer is to do a little bit of both. Since I last posted a proper post I got married (I know I've posted a couple of things since, but they don't really count). In fact, today is our one month anniversary. The wedding day itself was amazing - I felt everything a bride should feel! And I'm enjoying settling in to married life :)

I'm 18 weeks pregnant today. I haven't felt the baby kick yet, but I reckon I will any day now. I've got another scan at 20 weeks (on my birthday, what a great present!) but we've decided not to find out the sex of the baby, but to wait for him/her to be born.

I'm celebrating my birthday this year by having some friends over to watch the Eurovision Song Contest on the 16th May. It's all set to be a really fun, if rather mad evening.

I am now married

life is good.
We're working on setting up internet in our new place.
Hopefully I'll be back around properly soon.

I'm getting maried in the morning

ding dong the bells are gonna chime

You know that whole

getting married in May thing.
Well that's now April. Very soon in April, actually.
So I may not be around much at all in the next couple of weeks.

I'll be here when I can

but I'm spending a lot of time sleeping!
Back with more soon, I hope.

I miss blogging

I miss sharing the deep things and the silly things, the small insignificant things, and the huge ones.
Several huge things have happened in the last month or two, and lots of little ones too. In a way I don't really know how to begin talking about them.
Maybe I should just drop the bombshells, and then get on with blogging!
I have a new job, working one-to-one with two children (one in the mornings, the other in the afternoons), I'm pregnant, I'm engaged, and we're planning to get married in May. How's that for news?!

A bit busy living life

to blog it.
Back soon.

science

Yesterday, while looking after the kiddos, we'd had two science lessons before 9.15am.

The first was biology. We came down the steps of the flat and found a dead mouse lying on the bottom but one step. Little Flower wasn't particularly bothered by it, she glanced at it, and then moved on. Little One, however, was transfixed. First of all he thought it was sleeping. He poked it with his foot, and rigor mortis had obviously set in, because the whole thing moved. Once he realised it was dead, he got quite upset. I had to make him move away from the mouse and walk up the road towards nursery.

We talked about why it was lying there, and how it might have died. I said that it was most likely that one of the cats that live nearby had caught it and left it there. When he heard that he was most indignant. "We need some big dogs to kill the big cats that killed the poor little mouse" was his response. I think it was one of his first real experiences with death, and I'm sure it won't be his last. By the time we came home from nursery the mouse was gone. I think a cat must have moved it, as I certainly hadn't, nor had the downstairs neighbour. Little One seemed to have forgotten about it by the time he got home, so hopefully I handled it ok, and haven't scarred him for life!

The second science lesson of the day was physics. After leaving Little One at nursery, Little Flower and I walked back down the hill. All of a sudden she got really excited and shouted "BIN LORRY". Now you must understand, seeing the bin lorry is a highlight of her day! We couldn't see the lorry, but we could certainly hear it. "Debbie! BIN LORRY!" she said a few times, but then suddenly started crying. "Bin Lorry gone. GONE!" she said, and she was right. The sound was getting quieter - I could tell that the big lorry was going up into the estate, and that we wouldn't see it, but I was impressed that she could tell that too. So there you have it, the science of sounds, and how they change depending on their difference in location, relative to the listener.

(You may be happy to know that later on the bin lorry came back to our side of the estate and Little Flower was able to shout BIN LORRY! to her hearts content, and to wave at it through the window)

This weekend

I am off to Bognor Regis for a church weekend away. I am very much looking forward to it.
I'll see you Monday!

Is it wrong

to pretend that you wrote a blog post yesterday, so that when you write the second post in the same day, it works out even?!
Well, it's my blog, so I can do what I want. Teehee :)

Yes, DebbieBoo has a boyfriend. I'm sure she'll tell you about him sometime! (And with all the links I've been making to her blog recently, maybe she'll actually find time to write something on it sometime soon...!)

Last night I got to play pool. It was great fun. I've never been very good at that sort of thing, although I'm happy to do it for a laugh. I was playing with someone who's pretty good, and was able to learn quite a lot, so that by the end I was able to feel like the cue and balls were behaving like I wanted them to (at least some of the time, anyway!). I look forward to playing again soon, although my right thumb joint hurts a bit - I think that's to do with holding the cue, but hey, it was worth it.

Today I am hyper. Earlier today I was feeling a bit lacking in motivation, but it was probably more the fact that I was still waking up. I know I had some weird dreams last night. I don't remember what they were, just that they were weird! Anyway, I started listening to a couple of songs from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (Elephant Love Medley & Come What May) which are the sort of songs I can't help but sing along to, and it made me hyper. After all, they're the type of song that I can't help but sing along to at the top of my voice, complete with arms flung out for emphasis. Combine that with the treadmill, and it's a whole body workout!

M1 Fiasco continued

I arrived in Luton on the A6, and it all seemed pretty clear. I congratulated myself on making it that far, and decided that maybe this time around it'd be easy to get home. I was feeling a bit peckish, so I pulled over to a row of shops on the outskirts of the town and picked up something to eat. I forgot to buy anything to drink, but figured I'd just stop a bit further in to Luton.

But then, somehow it all went wrong. I was carefully following signs towards the M1. I got into Luton itself and it was all flyovers and seemed pretty grungy and not a very nice place to be. I decided I didn't really need to stop anywhere, I could just wait until I stopped at some services on the M1, or at worst, until I got home.

Suddenly, the signs stopped being so regular, and roadworks started appearing. There was a big sign with a whole bunch of information on that we passed pretty quickly. It said that there were diversions to get to the M1. Ok, I thought, and I followed the diversion signs. After travelling all over Luton (possibly twice), and out to the airport, and back again, I found myself on a road with a pretty bumpy surface. There kept being signs up telling me that speed cameras were in force, but never any signs to tell me what the speed limit was. I stuck to 30, given the state of the road, and that I was trying to follow the somewhat irregular diversion signs.

Then the was a 'End of Diversion' sign, and we were spat out onto a roundabout. I actually went around it at least twice, trying to get my bearings. I found I had the following options; M1 North, or a dark unappealing road to Harpenden. I couldn't even take the road I'd come on, because it didn't seem to exist going back in the other direction. Since I definitely didn't want to go North on the M1, I decided I was off to Harpenden!

It was a dark, winding, country road, and not particularly pleasant to drive along. I found myself following an AA patrol van, and I considered flashing my lights and indicating to try to get them to pull over and help me work out exactly where I was, but decided that given that it was pitch black outside, and I was in the middle of nowhere, I should just continue driving until I came to civilisation again!

I eventually reached Harpenden. I was getting really thirsty by now, and I realised I needed to stop and look at the map, so I pulled into a petrol station and stopped. I looked at the map, and also rang home to tell them I was lost, but that I thought I'd be ok. They reminded me that my cousin Emma lives in Harpenden, and told me her address, so that if I happened to spot that road I could call in and see her. I went in to the petrol station, got myself a drink and queued up to buy it. I said to the guy behind the counter that I was trying to get to London and had lost the M1. I asked if I continued on this road whether I'd be heading in the right direction. (I could see on the map that if I went towards St Albans that would be the right way. The man behind the counter looked at me although I'd escaped from the nearest loony bin (after all, I guess not many people wander in there saying they've lost the M1, and could he please direct them towards London, but not even mention the M1 whatsoever, or else!). He agreed that yes, I should just continue along that road.

As I continued that way I spotted the road my cousin lives in, and decided to take a quick detour. After finding somewhere to park, I knocked on her door. There was no answer, so I got her number from my parents and tried to call her. There was no answer, so I left a rather convoluted message on her answer phone and headed on my way again. (She texted me later that night to let me know she'd been out at the student bar, and hadn't taken her phone with her. If I'm ever in that area again I'll try to visit again, since I know now where she is. I can't say I ever want to be in that area again though!)

I got back in my car and headed on my way. I knew that I had to head towards St Albans, and I did. I was doing ok until I got there, and there were no useful signs. I was cold and tired and slightly overemotional. I was literally about to burst into tears when I saw a sign towards the M25 (the big motorway that goes round London). I think I may actually have clapped or waved my arms or shouted or something (much to the amusement of the people on the pavement outside - since I was sat in a traffic queue at the time!). Once I found that sign the drive home was pretty simple.

Well, kinda. I stopped off in Enfield because I was feeling really in need of a hug, and I knew that a group of folk from church were meeting a a pub there. I stopped in the car park and tried to give them a call, except neither of the girls I tried to call were answering. I went into the pub to try to find them, but they weren't there. That was the last straw. I headed home, feeling a fairly unhappy bunny, arriving there 3 1/2 hours after I left Bedford. But once I got home I took out my feelings about the M1 on my blog and on facebook, and that helped a lot.

The story of the M1 disaster (part one)

On Friday I went to visit DebbieBoo for the day. On the way I'd intended to drive up the M1, but a sign on the M25 told me that there were delays on the M1, so I drove up the A1 instead. I managed to find my way to her house, despite having directions that were from the M1 and A6, rather than the A1 and whatever road is was I took after that.

I had a lovely day with Boo, I got to have lunch with her and her boyfriend, and get to know him a bit more (although she says he's not usually that grumpy, he'd just come off a night shift ;) ) and lots of chatting and catching up and chilling out. I also got to visit the night shelter where Boo works, and we watched PS I love you on DVD in the afternoon. What better way to spend a day?!

The route home from Bedford to London ought to be easy. You take the A6 to Luton, and then the M1 to where it meets the M25. The M25 to my home, I can almost do with my eyes shut (well, if someone else is driving!). Last time I drove home from Bedford I somehow managed to lose the A6 before I'd even got very far out of Bedford. I ended up giving up on that route, and taking different, longer route. This time I vowed that I'd try again. I found the A6, I stayed on the A6. I made it all the way to Luton. That's where it all went horribly wrong.

(I was going to type it all in one go, but I've run out of energy, so I'll post this and write the rest tomorrow)

What is it with children's television these days?

Today I've been looking after the kiddos, and we spent a bit of time watching C-Beebies. In particular, we watched an episode of 'In the Night Garden' which focused on the character Makka Pakka. Before seeing this episode I think I knew that Makka Pakka likes washing things, and has a little bike/trolley thing that he pushes everywhere, and a horn that he (I think he's a he) likes to blow, but that's about all.

After watching today, I am utterly convinced that Makka Pakka is obsessive compulsive. The general gist of the plot was that Makka Pakka got up (from his bed made of stones) and went for a walk with his trolley. He found three stones just lying on the ground and decided that this would just not do. He cleaned them, dried them, and then arranged them neatly in a tower. He then (eventually) continued on his walk, and came across several more piles of stones (which he had clearly neatly arranged together on a previous walk). Then he realised that he was lost. Luckily the Pinky-Ponk (a big airship with cute paddles on the side which flap up and down and make farting noises) came along, and he was able to follow it home. When he got home he stood and looked at his stones for a little while (not to be confused with the ones in the forest, but ones that he had in his house already) and then the programme ended.

Additionally, Makka Pakka seems incapable of walking along without saying his own name every
five seconds. I wonder how long I could do that before someone decided to sock me one. Makka Pakka also appears to have some sort of nervous twitch. He is incapable of walking along pushing his trolley for more than a few steps, before he has to stop and adjust his hold on the handles or the angle the trolley is pointing. As Little One observed "He doesn't go very fast. He has his slow feet on today".

As I sat watching this seemingly obsessive character acting out this strange scenario I wondered what exactly it was meant to be teaching children. I'm sure I'm just reading too much into it, but I'm sure he ought to see someone about his behaviour. Actually, his desire to wash the stones did remind me of my friend Tracey. She has a bit of a thing about dirt, and is slightly obsessive about using hand sanitizer. I wondered how Makka Pakka and Tracey would get on if they met in real life.

I don't think this post really has a purpose, except that it amused me. I hope you don't think that I've totally lost the plot!

The M1 hates me

or I hate it. One of the two.
I have a story to tell you, of how it took me 3 1/2 hours to make a 1 1/2 hour journey home from Bedford yesterday. But right now I'm off to Sutton to visit my friend Sarah.
Yay!

ps

Chickpeas = garbanzo beans, in case anyone didn't know.
I'll be back later with a proper post!

Dreaming

I had a really weird dream last night, or several weird dreams, maybe. I couldn't tell you an overall plot line for it, in fact I'm not sure if it even had a plotline. I just remember a few things that appeared in the dream.

Chickpeas - I know at one point I was in our kitchen, and every cupboard I opened had chickpeas in it. I think this must be down to the bag of chickpeas sitting on the counter in the kitchen, and the conversation I had with my Mum on Monday about whether my dad knew there was another packet of cashew nuts in the cupboard.

Minor celebrities in a quiz show - This has got to be linked to the fact that I was talking to people about the TV show dancing on ice, last night.

Minor celebrities in a quiz show where all the answers sound like weird Latin words - Well, and this is a tenuous connection, the only reason I can think of for this is that my Latin loving friend is having a birthday this week, AND I wrote on her facebook wall last night.

I'm sure there were a couple of other things, but of course I got distracted and by the time I sat down to write this post, the dream is beginning to fade from my brain!

Seeing it from another perspective

Presents. Everyone likes them, right? How far wrong can you go with giving a present? It's the thought that counts, isn't it? Or is it more about getting the perfect thing for the person you're giving it to, and if you can't find the perfect thing then you just keep looking.

This Christmas my view on presents was challenged a bit. When I'm shopping for presents I would generally say that I would try to buy something that fits the person I'm buying it for. I'd also say that I'm not very practised at buying presents for guys. I come from a family of all girls - I don't have brothers, my dad generally has a pretty boring Christmas present list (books, slippers, hankies). No offense to my Daddy, but that's just the sort of thing he likes. It's useful and he appreciates it. We are a family of lists, people think of things that they would like, or need, put them on the list, and other people buy them. I'm not saying that there aren't any surprises, but sometimes we go by the philosophy "well, it's a surprise to someone, even if not to the person receiving the gift"!

So this year was the first time I've ever been dating someone at Christmas, and therefore the first time I'd ever had to think about what to buy for a guy who isn't in my family. We went shopping together before Christmas, and he bought me some lovely things then, but I hadn't got him anything. I was then ill right before Christmas, and didn't manage to buy him anything. To cut a long story short, I finally bought him something when we were out together last Friday.

The thing is, it turned into a bit of a joke. He'd ask about his present, and I'd tell him to more he asked, the longer he wouldn't get anything. But I came to realise that he had a different view of presents. To him, it is the thought that counts, and he'd rather give something, than not give anything (or be delayed in giving). We chatted about it all, among other things, on Sunday afternoon and realised a bit more about where the other person was coming from. I realised how it looked that I hadn't bought him anything for ages, and he realised why I'd held off getting him something until I knew what he really wanted.

I'm sure that we'll continue to have misunderstandings, that we'll disagree about how to handle different situations, and that, like several couples I know, there will be the big things that we'll always disagree on (For several people I know it's how to put on the Christmas tree lights! I don't think either of us has particularly strong views on that, but there'll be something, I'm sure!) But I also know that I'm looking forward to having my viewpoints challenged more. To have the chance to think about a situation from another direction. And that, my friends, makes it all worthwhile.

When I said tomorrow

I obviously meant tomorrow's tomorrow. Which is now today. Watch this space.

*waves sleepily*

I'm around, just very tired. Will check in properly tomorrow!

Some Goals

Get a job. I really need to get motivated to find something more than what I'm doing at the moment. I love looking after the kiddos, but it's not enough to live on.

Lose more weight. I lost lots last year, and then ended up putting some back on. I want to get in shape for being a bridesmaid for HP in August, and maybe some other reasons too ;)

My relationship with God. I need to get into a better habit of bible study this year.

Those are a few general ones to start off with, there may be some more specific ones at some point.

I like life

This week my church is having a week of prayer. Personally I think that's a fantastic way to start the year - focused on God.
In fact, we did also start the year together cos we had a party/celebration/prayer meeting thing on New Years Eve, and welcomed in the year with worship and a time of prayer and thanksgiving.Anyway, last night we had the first prayer meeting of the week and spent time praying for our nation, and our city, and the outreach that our church has planned for this year. My church is charismatic, so our prayer meetings can get pretty loud and energetic, and I love it. I'm a practical person, and to me it makes sense that I get excited about something that means so much to me. I like the loud-ness and clapping and all that goes with it. I understand that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it just makes sense to me. I love being a part of a church that is so multi-cultural, so charismatic, and so focused on God - worshipping in Spirit and in Truth.

I was reading earlier, or rather skimming vaguely, an article in the Times magazine from last Saturday with an article about Anne Frank. Since I was only skimming, I don't really know what the article was about, but a sentence caught my eye about some children in Northern Ireland, where for the very first time Catholic and Protestant children were working together on a joint project. On Sunday afternoon I met up with a friend from school, Maria, who is Catholic. Although we don't always agree on some faith related issues, I'm still glad that we know each other and are friends. Similarly, the girl I lived with the year after I finished university (referred to on this blog as 'I'), is a Presbyterian, and we didn't always agree on certain issues, but I still value her friendship and her opinion. I think it's good to have the opportunity to question why you believe something, and not just taking it in blind faith, and it's also good to have friends who don't always believe the exact same things as you, because I think it makes you a more rounded person.

I think I may be waffling now, so I'll try to round this up. I like my church, and the beliefs that I hold. I'm glad that I have a personal relationship with God, and over the next week or so I'm going to be sitting down and praying and thinking over my goals for the next year. I think it's going to be an exciting year, but that's all I'm saying about that for now! I'm looking forward to the exciting things that will be happening in my church, and I'll enjoy being friends with all sorts of people.

(I think I got a bit lost in the middle of this post and forgot what I was actually trying to say. Does it show?! Give me a break though, cos it's been a while since I wrote a proper blog post, so I'm trying to get back into the swing of it)

A few highlights

All the cousins (plus a wife and a fiancee)
The Christmas pyramid
Me!
The day of the great Christmas Tree saga

The traditional self-portrait (with HP looking over my shoulder). I was having issues getting the camera to focus on what I wanted it to, hence it being a bit blurry. But still fun.

Nearly back to proper blogging

First of all, let me wish you a very happy new year.
I promise that I will resume proper blogging soon, it's just that life got very full over Christmas, what with visiting relatives and spending time with my friends and boyfriend.
I took lots of photos which will be uploaded in due course.
I'll be back properly soon.

I'm home

I'M HOME!
And it feels good.
It's been great visiting people, but now I'm ready to be home again :)

New start needed

I've had lots of fun with family and food.
But now
I feel sluggish and sleepy and fat.
New Start here I come.

Nearly there...

Popping on quick.
I have a post to write about the Christmas tree, but I'm too tired to write it right now.
Just wanted to come and say "Happy Almost Christmas"

Christmas never comes easy in this household

There was the famous year that my Grandma forgot to buy onions, and had to send my Granddad and Uncle out on Christmas Eve to try to find some. There've been years when everyone comes down with some killer* bug or other. This year, it's the year of car trouble and illness.

I've been ill for a couple of days. Probably just a nasty cold, but it's still lingering. My Mum is now coming down with it too. HP may or may not follow in the next day or so. All this would be dealable with, I guess, but yesterday the oil light came on on my Mum's car, and didn't go out again.

The original plan involved HP and myself travelling to my Grandparents house today, and my parents following on tomorrow, but after ringing our garage and then the AA and then our garage again, the short version is that her car is not drivable, and needs to stay put over Christmas. So, I think, the plan is now that I will be driving my car to Grandma's today, along with HP, my Mum, and all the other stuff that we can possibly fit in it(!), and my Dad will follow tomorrow, on the coach. This could still all change, but that's how it stands for now. I better go and get on with packing then, I guess.

*killer may be a slight exaggeration

Ramblings

Last night I composed a beautiful blog post.

Unfortunately, since I was composing it while lying in bed, it will never actually be published.

Fortunately, since I was writing it under the influence of a high temperature and slight hallucinations, that's probably just as well.

Yep, I'm ill again. I think it's just a bad cold, but it's made me achey all over, very coughy, have a sore throat, a high temperature and other such exciting things.

I feel like haven't blogged much proper content in a while, but with my brain in this fuzzy state, I'm not sure any content I write will make sense. Instead I'll share with you a couple of quotable quotes from the past week.

"How can you sing it like you mean it, when it doesn't make any sense?" (HP on Alexandra singing Hallelujah)

"Awww, box. Happy box. Box cry" (Little Flower being entertained by an empty tissue box, in the absense of 'baby' - her dolly)

Today

We're in Cambridge, visiting Bekki and going to Oxfam for HP to try on wedding dresses.

People complained that there weren't any full length shots...

Party Time!

(Edited to add: That's M, my boyfriend, and I at our church Christmas party on Saturday evening. Just so as you know!)

Confidence in being me

(This post comes to you courtesy of the fact that Boo is still in BEDFORD, and is not yet in LONDON, where she's meant to be, so I'm in the library checking my emails while I wait for her to GET A MOVE ON!)

Tonight I'm going to a party. I'll be dressed up, in a dress(!) and I'm gonna have fun. Two years ago, the thought of wearing a dress would be something that would have made me uncomfortable, self-conscious, and I probably would have either worn a skirt and top, or my jeans, or just not felt like me if I really had to wear a dress.

Fast forward to now, and just the other day I went shopping with my boyfriend, and voluntarily tried on about 10 different dresses. I fell in love with a couple of them (the one I bought, and the 'spensive one in Monsoon). I've not only changed physically, but also mentally.

I like me. I know that I've written about that before on here, and I certainly hope I'm not boring anyone, but I still marvel at the fact that I like me, that I LOVE me. That I will be able to agree if someone tells me I look beautiful. That I feel beautiful. I guess what it all comes down to is, I have confidence in being me, and it feels good :)

better blog now,

cos the weekend is gonna be busy busy busy.

Tomorrow I will be going to the church prayer meeting, going for breakfast with friends, carol singing with church people outside Tesco, driving home, taking the tube into London to meet with Boo, coming home again, getting ready to go to a church posh-ed up party (sneak peek of what I'll be wearing here), going to the party, helping clear up after the party, coming home and collapsing in a big heap.

On Sunday I'll be going to church, and then probably having lunch out with someone, somewhere, and pretty much will probably be out for the whole day.

On Monday I will collapse in a big big heap, and also look after the kiddos. The end. Or is it the beginning?

Since it's all over the place

(flickr, facebook, my phone) I thought I'd post it here too.
Taken on Monday...

So, what do *I* believe?

I posted recently about having conversations with Jehovah's Witnesses who came to my door, and had several comments relating to that experience. (Along with all the comments about my boyfriend, I think that made that post the most commented on in quite a while!)

Someone called Edward (who I don't think I know in person, but I may be wrong. If you're still around it'd be great if you could tell me how you found my blog) asked me what I learnt from talking to the JWs and also said "You believed different things ... is that a good thing? Are you satisfied with that?", so I decided to post a little bit about what I do believe.

I believe that Jesus IS God. JWs believe that Jesus was created by God, and he then helped in the creation of the world. The JWs I was talking to also suggested that Jesus is the archangel Michael. It was the first time I've ever heard someone suggest that, but I very much disagree. I believe in the trinity, that God is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

I guess that's probably one of the fundamental differences between what I believe and what JWs believe, and it's also something that I refuse to change my mind on. (As an aside, I just spell-checked what I'd done so far, and I managed to mis-type the word 'believe' every single time I typed it in this post. I blame being tired!)

I think that JWs totally miss out on the point of grace. They seem to be intent on works to obtain salvation. They cite the great commission in Matthew 28, where Jesus commands his disciples to go out and make disciples of every nation as their reason for going knocking door to door, telling people about God. And I would totally agree with the reasoning behind their actions. However, I don't believe that my telling people about Jesus is my route to salvation. I believe that by believing in Jesus and repenting for my sins, I have salvation, because of what Jesus did when he died on the cross for me, to take away my sin.

I can't do anything to gain salvation. If I try to do it myself, I will always fall short of the perfect standard that God sets. If I try to work my way into heaven, I could work all day and all night, but still not obtain salvation. I am going to heaven because of God's grace. (It's a fairly limited, basic understanding of grace, but) I like to remember that I have God's Riches At Christ's Expense.

I think if I try to write more at the moment I'm going to go around in circles. If you have any thoughts or questions, share them in the comments. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

I want this dress

monsoondress
Originally uploaded by debsenglishrose

but since I'm not a millionaire, I have to be content with just showing off pictures of me wearing it!

Happy Thursday

Hmmm, it seems that having got to the end of November my blogging daily ability faded away. Either that or I've just been really busy.

On Monday I had the kids to look after and I spent the entire morning with Little Flower getting my flat tyre sorted out (Did I tell you I got a flat on the way to church on Sunday). Monday afternoon we just chilled out because it was cold and rainy out. Tuesday I had the kids again and in the afternoon we met up with my friends Danielle and Tracey and watched Aladdin and did colouring and played card and all sorts of fun but random things like that.

Yesterday I spent lots of time tidying my room and getting things done at home, like paying my credit card bill and other such exciting stuff. The Jehovah's Witnesses who've been coming round quite a bit called round and I ended up standing on the doorstep talking to them for over an hour. I was glad well my Mum came to help me, because I was beginning to think I'd never get them to go. I spent the evening with my boyfriend. He cooked me dinner and then we snuggled up and watched CSI. What better way could there be to end a day?!

Today I'm going shopping with Tracey. Well, I am if I can ever get her out of the house (I'm sat using her computer while she gets ready).

I

am a Child of the King.

God is good. I have several blog posts peculating in my head. I'll try to get them out for you all soon!